Sylistia Fawkes and the Boy from Slytherin
by Miirkaelisaar
Summary: Sylistia Fawks never knew magic was anything more than fairy tale drama, but now it's become her life. Her first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will prove to be a difficult one, and she will face love, pain, and fear. Please,Please R
1. Sorted and Stuck

I felt sick.

The boat ride up was horrible. The storm had nearly shaken our little rowboats to pieces. What were they thinking putting kids in those little buckets?

The Great Hall was warmer, though. Candles floated in midair over four long, well varnished tables. The ceiling reflected the lightning and ominous thunderheads outside. Even though Mother had told me what it was like, I'd never expected to see something so magical on the first day. Even cold, wet, and sullen as I was, I couldn't prevent the small "wow" from leaving my blue lips.

Don't get me wrong. I knew it was going to be impressive, but I didn't really expect it all, having never really seen magic before. You see, my father was a non-magic, a Muggle, if you will. He never allowed magic in our house. "The Devil's work" he always called it. He nearly flipped his lid when the letter came. My mother convinced him to let me go, in the end, though, so here I am.

As I stood drinking in the wonder of the Hall, silence fell like a blanket upon it. Then a man's voice rang out, singing. I couldn't really hear what he was singing. I stood on tiptoes, but still couldn't see over the heads of my fellow first-years. I was very short for my age, standing only about 124 cm(4'2"). I crept out of line to see around my peers, scanning the front of the Hall for the source of the voice. It was perhaps a whole minute before I realized with a start that the voice was not issuing from a man, as one would expect, but from a hat- a very old, tattered, faded Wizard's hat, singing through the tear in its brim like a crooked, lipless mouth from the rickety stool it stood on.

Then the hat had finished, and everyone clapped. I hadn't heard the song, but it must have been good. A woman strode up to the stool, unfurling a scroll as she went. She cleared her throat and peered at the parchment through her spectacles. She had brown hair pulled up into a tight, high bun on her head that looked quite uncomfortable. I never could figure out how to put up my straight black hair like that; it seemed to have a mind of its own sometimes. Mother always said it was the magic in me.

The woman began to read off names in alphabetical order, last names first. The A's seemed to last forever. I heard the two kids in front of me whispering about gryphons and something "slithering". With an irrational pang of fear, I wondered if maybe we would have to battle dangerous monsters for practice. Then the hat shouted "GRYFFINDOR!" at the top of its lungs, and a boy with thick, wavy, dark hair jumped off of the stool and ran victoriously to a table of cheering students, high-fiving them as he sat down. It was then that I remembered my mother telling me about the houses of Hogwarts: Ravenclaw, for the quick-witted and intelligent; Hufflepuff, for the gentle and kindhearted; Gryffindor, for the brave and strong; and Slytherin, for the cunning and ambitious. Mother had told me about the infamous Dark Lord who had come from Slytherin, and many other twisted minds that had been bred there. She told me how they all looked down on people like me, who weren't pure-blooded Wizards.

The two kids were still talking in front of me. One was a girl a little taller than me. She had beautiful dark red hair, and when she turned to look at the boy she was talking to, I saw her bright green eyes. By contrast to her colorful demeanor, the boy she talked to was very pale, had stringy, lackluster, dirty black hair than hung in curtains around his sallow cheeks. His robes were gray and tattered, and he was so thin, he might not have eaten a square meal in his life. He was taller than the redhead and me, and he looked awkward.

"Evans, Lily!" The woman called, and the redhead strode confidently up to the stool. The hat was on her head all of three seconds before it cried out "GRYFFINDOR!" The girl jumped from the stool. She shrugged at the pallid boy, who looked utterly crestfallen. The Gryffindors greeted her with open arms, as the occupants of the nearest table booed. I looked around and saw the green and silver hangings of Slytherin. Boy, they looked like a mean bunch. I was so deafened by the booing and cheering that I almost missed my name.

"Fawkes, Sylistia!"

I almost tripped over my slightly overlong robes as I rushed to be Sorted. I nervously climbed up onto the stool like a little kid, with both hands. My feet hung at least a foot over the floor. I saw every eye on me just before the hat dropped over my blue eyes, obscuring my vision. I felt the blood rush to my face. Then all was silent. I heard muttering, but not from the Hall. It was in my head. I could actually feel the hat's presence, probing every nook of my mind, every aspect of my being. Then, quite suddenly, the voice screamed "SLYTHERIN!" at the top of its lungs. Then the hat was off, the Slytherins were cheering, and the Gryffindors were booing. I was paralyzed. Slytherin? What would Mother say?

I walk toward the green and silver banners as if in a dream. I sat down, numb and oblivious to the Slytherins shaking my hands, patting my back, and congratulating me. I was still in shock when I felt something brush my arm. The pale boy was squeezing in between me and a blonde upperclassman, who introduced himself as Lucius, a Prefect.

After the Sorting, the table miraculously filled with food of it's own accord. Impressed though I was, I could hardly eat half my bowl of soup. I felt sick, as I always did when I was stressed. My stomach churned with the prospects of my mother finding out that I was in the evil Slytherin House. The pale boy seemed to be a bit under the weather, too. He hardly touched his food, though perhaps it was because he wasn't used to so much food in one sitting.

After pudding, we were led down, down, into the deepest part of the castle by Lucius. He led us down so deep, my ears popped. It was colder and darker here, and each faltering torch cast more frightening shadows than the next. Then, quite suddenly, Lucius stopped in the middle of the corridor and said _"Serpensortia!"_ clearly and loudly to the wall. At first I thought perhaps he was mad, but then there was a rumbling sound, and the wall slid open to reveal a long, low room with a huge fireplace and green lanterns lined along the gray, cold walls. There was a sense of being underwater, the way the sickly green light danced its shadows on the walls.

I trudged off to bed without a second glance, following two other first-year girls into our dormitory. I flopped down on the bed my luggage was next to without even unpacking or changing out of my damp clothes. I was asleep within seconds. I dreamt of snakes and faceless Dark Lords, of booing lions and disappointed mothers. I dreamt of that strange boy sitting next to me at supper, maybe striking up a conversation next time, instead of being shy.

So now I was Sorted. The kids in this house were creepy, to say the least. Ironic, then, that the creepiest of them all was the one I couldn't stop thinking about.


	2. Day One and Done

I woke up in my dirty clothes. I got up reluctantly from my bed and opened my nearby trunk. I pulled out a new set of robes and changed. Then I went out to the common room, which looked deserted. The girls in my dorm were still sleeping, and I was too shy to wake them. I felt lonely. I didn't know anyone in this school, and I was starting to doubt whether I ever would. I sighed as I headed toward the door, even though I didn't know where I was going to go.

"Guess I'm not the only one up early." A voice behind me made me jump. The pale boy from the Sorting was sitting in a chair in front of the fire, his ashen face orange-yellow in the flickering light. I could feel my heart thumping heavily in my chest.

"You scared me!" I breathed.

"Sorry." He stood up and walked to the door. "I was up early and wanted to see if they've started breakfast, yet, but I don't remember where the Great Hall is."

"Neither do I," I admitted apologetically. I felt lame, with nothing to say.

"That's alright," he said, and shrugged. "We can find it together."

Encouraged, I followed in his wake up the hall. After a while, we came upon two staircases leading in different directions. One went up, one went down.

"Which way do we go?" I asked quietly.

"Up, I guess." He answered. "We were going down the whole way there."

We continued to retrace our steps as best we could for a while, not talking at all except to point out a familiar sign or mark. Then I heard a noise from somewhere ahead of us. I looked to the pale boy, but he didn't seem to have heard anything.

"Did you hear that?" I asked casually.

"Hear what?" He asked blankly, scrutinizing another fork in our path.

"Never mind, I thought I heard a sound from up ahead."

We stood in silence as the pale boy tried to decide which path to take. Then, all of a sudden, something shot out of the left fork, right past my head. It made a frightening, cackling noise as it zoomed a circle around me. I couldn't hold it in. I screamed shrilly as the flying thing whooshed over me. I tried to get away, but before I could move, something stung my arm. I looked down with a gasp of pain and shock. There was a small red mark near my left elbow. Then it hit me again and again. I finally realized that the flying thing was chucking bits of chalk at me as it zoomed around me.

"Come on!" The pale boy grabbed my arm and we ran down the left path, chalk pelting after us as we ran at top speed. My lungs were about ready to explode when we found ourselves quite alone on the ground floor. We stopped and took a moment to catch our breath. I leaned against the corner of the wall, clutching the stitch in my side, while the boy bent over, hands on his knees, gasping for breath. "What-was-that-thing?" He choked out.

"I-have-no-idea!" I wheezed in reply. I looked around. Yes! We were just outside of the Entrance Hall. I led the way to the Great Hall, which was open, despite the fact that the sky-mimicking ceiling was black and stars shone. Apparently, the storm had cleared up. We walked over to the Slytherin table. We were the only ones in the Hall except a Hufflepuff and two Ravenclaws. It seemed that Gryffindor thought themselves above early rising.

There was already food on the table, and running from flying, chalk-shooting monsters really worked up one's appetite. I tucked in without ado, piling my plate high with eggs, sausage, and toast with jam. I looked over at the boy, who was sitting beside me. His plate was empty. On a whim, I picked up a plate of eggs and spooned a mound of them onto his plate. At first he looked a bit perplexed, but then he gave a weak smile and took a few small, timid bites. He had a nice little smile. Despite the state of his hair and clothes, his teeth were straight and white. His eyes softened a bit when he smiled.

After about twenty minutes, the Hall began to fill gradually. The Gryffindor table was the slowest to fill. I was just helping myself to a strip of bacon, when the boy called out to someone.

"Lily!"

I turned and saw the redheaded girl look over. She had just been about to sit down, but straightened up, smiled and walked over.

"Good morning, Severus!" Lily waved. Severus stood up as she approached, and they hugged each other in greeting. The two began to talk about the common rooms. Gryffindor's sounded much warmer and nicer than ours.

"Oh!" Severus exclaimed, turning to me. "Lily, this is…" He trailed off nervously.

"Sylistia," I filled in for him. "Sylistia Fawkes."

"Sylistia, this is Lily Evans, an old friend." Severus pointed to her. She was so pretty, with her vivid green eyes and shiny red hair. How could my black, limp hair and pale gray-blue eyes hope to stand up to that?

"A pleasure," we said in unison, and we shook hands like automatons.

"Lily!" A girl from Gryffindor waved her over. Lily said goodbye to Severus, then skipped off to her new friends. Only one night, and already, she was in a gaggle. Here I'd been running around aimlessly with a creepy boy whose name I hadn't even known. Severus sighed. He must have wanted to be in the same house as Lily. Did he not like Slytherin, either? I decided not to ask. I didn't want to sound like I was dissatisfied with my house, which I was, but would never admit.

Eventually, everyone had made it to breakfast. The Hall was buzzing with a thousand conversations. Then someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned and saw a man, a teacher, standing there. He was a bit short, but taller than I was. He was moderately rotund and had a walrus-like mustache.

"Sylistia Fawkes?" He inquired.

"Yes?"

"Hello!" He said cheerily. He held out a piece of paper. "I am Professor Slughorn, head of Slytherin House. This will be your weekly class schedule for the term." I accepted the paper. On it was a table of the classes I would have and when they would be. "I'm also the Potions Master," he added enthusiastically. "Potions is a very fascinating and important subject!"

He turned and gave Severus his schedule and greeted him very thoroughly, as well. I casually glanced at Severus's schedule. We had all of the same classes, what luck!

...

Our first class was Transfiguration. I shook with excitement, anticipating being able to change people into frogs, but as I expected, it wouldn't be that advanced. Our very first ever magic task was to turn a pepper shaker into a tumbler. It seemed easy when Professor McGonagall, the Sorting reader, showed us how, but I soon found it was near impossible. Severus was trying so hard, I could see a drop of sweat trickling down from his eyebrow. By the end of class, I had only succeeded in causing my pepper shaker to explode, sending glass all over Severus, myself, and a few nearby Hufflepuffs. Professor McGonagall encouragingly told me that my shaker did look slightly wider and flatter, but as there isn't much difference between a pepper shaker and a cup, I doubted she was being honest.

Next was Herbology. The teacher said we were to be studying Snapdragons. They looked like the ordinary flowers, but when I reached out to touch mine, the petals snapped together on my finger, drawing blood. I gasped in surprise. I could have sworn I heard Severus snicker to my right, and I could hardly keep from laughing myself. It was a silly mistake. How could I expect plants in this world to be normal. But then, what was normal?

In Charms class, we learned how to levitate objects. We started with feathers. I tried really hard, muttering "Wingardium Leviosa" as I flicked my wand exactly as Professor Flitwick demonstrated, but to no avail. My feather merely trembled like a leaf, and I was sure that it was only because I was sitting next to a slightly open window.

Then we had Potions. It took us a while to find the classroom, deep in the dungeons. It was like a cold, dark labyrinth. By the time Severus and I found it, class had been in for five minutes. We crept in nervously. Severus spied Lily and made a beeline for her. There was only one empty spot in the classroom, so I sat there. I was between two Gryffindor boys who looked like they wanted me to move, but there was no where else to go, so I just gave them a nervous grin and took notes as Professor Slughorn talked.

Then he split us up into groups of three. I got stuck with the two Gryffindors. Figures. I watched Lily and Severus measuring their ingredients and talking animatedly with each other. The small, nervous-looking, chubby kid next to them just bit his lip and twirled his wand. The two Gryffindors didn't seem to care about our grade. They pushed each other and then began to duel with their wands, sending sparks into my vision as I tried to make the potion by myself. One of the boys bumped the table as I was carefully pouring Eye of Newt into the cauldron, and I nearly spilled half the bottle into it, instead of a teaspoon. The result was a rather spectacular explosion of green and pink smoke right in our faces. The boys coughed and scolded me for not being careful. Enraged, I sat down, arms folded, as they continued to mess about.

At lunch, Lily sat at our table, next to Severus. She ignored the continued glares from other Slytherins. I sat opposite them, watching as they laughed and joked. I stabbed my sandwich repeatedly with my spoon, not really intending to eat it. I almost never ate lunch. At home, I usually didn't eat breakfast, either, only supper. My father had a very low-paying job, and my mother was always too sick to work.

Severus and Lily went outside when they were done eating, and I followed, feeling unwanted, but not too keen on being alone. They stopped under a beech tree and continued talking. I sighed and set my bag down next to Lily. Then I took to wandering around nearby. I crouched down and plucked a blue flower out of the ground. I twirled it between my fingers as I listened to the murmur of the other two talking behind me. I stood up and walked toward the lake, which was much more peaceful than it was when I got here. As I approached the pier, I pulled the petals off of my flower one at a time. When I reached the end of the dock, I dropped the stem in and sat down. I pulled off my shoes and socks and dangled my feet in the water. At first I jumped a little, surprised by how chilly the water was on such a sunny, warm day. Eventually, I got used to it and sat there, dipping my feet in the cool, dark water, watching the ripples spread over the glassy surface.

"Hey, move!" I turned and saw someone standing over Severus and Lily under the beech tree. They were the two idiots from Potions. They looked like they were trying to chase Severus and Lily away. "Why do you hang out with this dirty Slytherin, Evans?" asked one boy. He had very untidy black hair and wore glasses. He looked haughty and a little mean. The other boy had longer, wavier hair that rippled down his back with a sort of elegance most girls could only dream of. He had an air of cruel indifference about him. "You could be hanging out with your own house, you know. You don't have to hang out with little Snivellus," the short-haired boy added.

"Go away, Potter," Lily snapped at the boy with the glasses. "I can hang out with whoever I want."

Potter glared at her. "Fine! Be like that, then! Maybe that stupid old hat should have thought a little harder before it sorted you! Come on, Sirius!" He spun around, and the wavy-haired boy sauntered after him. They disappeared into the castle, shoving a Slytherin boy aside as they passed. I walked over to the beech tree, carrying my shoes and socks.

"Jeez, what was their problem?" I asked. I sat down and pulled on my socks and shoes. Lily looked angry. She must really hate that boy. Severus looked nervous and a little upset. I sat down and leaned back against the tree. I pulled up the grass, bored. I looked up. I could see the mountains. They loomed up in the distance, purple and sharp against the blue sky. It was a calming scene. Then it was time to go back inside. I reluctantly trudged up to the castle, lagging behind Lily and Severus, who had engaged in conversation again.

History of magic was perhaps the most boring class I've ever sat through. For one thing, it had no actual magical relevance, unless you actually wanted to know a horde of useless information. For another, the teacher was dead. Literally. His name was Professor Binns and he was a ghost. He acted like he had no idea he was dead. He droned on through the lesson as if he were addressing himself. I don't think he would have noticed if no one even showed up to his class. His voice was like a sleeping spell cast upon all of us. Lily took notes, and Severus and I tried, but ten minutes into class, I saw Severus passed out cold on his desk and was slowly drifting off myself. Lily shook us awake after class and scolded us both for falling asleep. We ignored her as we all ambled up to Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

This class was only slightly more interesting than History. The teacher was an old man in perhaps his fifties or sixties. He had short gray hair that stuck up in places. He had a frail frame and shook with age, but had a surprisingly loud voice. He introduced himself as Professor Crook. We spent the entire class reading and taking notes on Doxies, little fairies with poisonous claws.

By supper, I was ready to give up. It was just too hard. I was beginning to realize that, despite the fact that my mother was a witch and that things used to explode around me when I was little, I had absolutely no magical abilities. I was not a Witch. I was just a freak. I took a few bites of my baked potato and sighed. I stood up.

"Where are you going?" Asked Severus.

"I just need some fresh air." I walked out of the Great Hall and went to the second floor. I wandered aimlessly for about an hour and a half. Then I figured that supper was over , so I went back downstairs. I found the teachers' lounge and knocked nervously. The door opened and Professor McGonagall peered out at me.

"Yes? What is it, dear?" She opened the door a little wider and looked down at me.

"I-I need…" I hesitated, but I knew I was doing the right thing. "I need to see the headmaster, please."


	3. Not Yet

"I want to leave." I shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. I was sure this was the right course in my head, but in my heart, It felt all wrong.

"Are you sure?" Professor Dumbledore asked. He looked a little confused, as if this had never happened before. "Why?"

"I'm not a witch." I replied frankly. "I know I have magical blood and I've done things before, but I just can't handle all this. It's to hard, too impossible. I'll never be able to do magic like the others. I'm pretty much a Muggle."

"But there are Muggles here at Hogwarts, and they can do magic as well as most Wizards or Witches." Dumbledore replied. "You were admitted to our school, you must have something."

"I can't… I-I can't" I shook my head hopelessly. My vision blurred and my eyes burned with hot tears. I wanted to stay, but it was a magic school, and I was anything but magical. I surreptitiously blinked back the tears.

Dumbledore sighed. "Sylistia, don't you think it's just a tad too soon to be giving up?" He stood up. "Almost no one is good at magic on the first day." He looked to Professor McGonagall, as if for help. She reached over and placed her hands gently on my shoulders.

"Sylistia, maybe you would like to think it over before you decide." She looked at me pityingly.

"No." I turned away, trying to wipe away my tears. "I don't even know where my common room is anymore! I can't do this, I suck!" It wasn't working anymore. The tears would not stay back. They poured freely down my face, and I couldn't make it stop. Professor McGonagall patted my shoulder comfortingly as I sobbed into my hands.

Dumbledore strode around the side of the desk and stood before me. "Sylistia." He waited for my sobs to die down, then he continued. "Miss Fawkes, I'll make a deal with you. Give it a week, just one more week, and if you still haven't seen any proof of your ability, I'll send you home."

It seemed like a reasonably request. I nodded in agreement and hiccupped softly. Dumbledore seemed satisfied. He sat back down at his desk and waved his wand. I looked up and he handed me a cup of tea. I drank it gratefully, thankful for something hot to burn away my grief. When I finished, McGonagall led me down to the dungeons. She left me at the stretch of wall that was really a door and returned upstairs. I choked back my emotions and stated "_Serpensortia!"_ The wall opened and I crept inside. It seemed everyone had gone to bed. I didn't want to, though, tired as I was. I just didn't feel like it. I sat down in one of the big chairs in front of the fireplace and let the tears fall silently onto my robes. I felt pain ebb away in the warm streams on my face.

"Where were you?" The whisper was very soft, but also very close. I jumped and almost screamed. Severus Snape strode around from behind the chair. He looked down at me. I looked away. I didn't want him to see my eyes. "Have you been crying?"

I looked down at the arm of the chair, avoiding his scrutiny. He moved over a little and knelt down. Now he was looking up into my eyes. For a second, I saw a look of concern pass over his face. He leaned closer to me.

"Sylistia?" He inquired solicitously. "What is it? What's wrong?" He reached up and pushed a strand of my lackluster hair behind my ear, so he could see my face. He put his pale hand on my cheek. His hands were like sunlight, they were so warm! How could someone so cold-looking be so warm and soft. He stood up and moved to my side. He sat down beside me in the big chair. I wanted him to go, and yet I didn't. Emotions tangoed in my heart and thoughts battled in my brain. I just wanted to be alone so I could cry freely, but if Severus stayed, I feared he would see my tears. I hiccupped again, trying to hold out on myself, but his hand touched my face again. I tried to avoid looking at him, but my neck turned of its own accord. I gazed up into his black eyes and felt, for the first time since I'd arrived, safe.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Sylistia. I won't tell a soul. I promise." He looked down at me and I felt so secure. "Talk to me, Syl. You can trust me."

I couldn't help myself. I told him everything I had told the headmaster. I told him about trying to leave and about the deal Dumbledore had made with me. I divulged every emotion and thought I was feeling and sat there next to him, hiccupping and sobbing again. Before I knew what was happening, he had pulled me towards him. He wrapped his arms around me and I cried harder, knowing I could. He rocked a little as I wept wholeheartedly into his chest. He held me tightly as I bawled my heart out. I cried myself to sleep, rocking gently in his embrace.

Maybe it wouldn't work out. Maybe I would fail, but for the sake of a chance to stay and see what I was capable of, I'd hold out for the week. I wasn't going to give up. Not yet.


	4. Out of the Dive

I woke up in the same chair, but alone. Severus must have gone to bed after I had fallen asleep. I got up slowly and stretched. I looked at my old watch. It had made a mark on my wrist where I had lain on it. It was about 5:30 in the morning. I snuck into the girls' dormitory and changed into some clean robes. Then I tucked my long hawthorn wand into the inner pocket of my robes and crept back out into the common room. I silently opened the door and left the common room. Alone in the corridor, I wandered forward, trying yet again to find my way out. I came across a bathroom at one point and went in to splash cold water on my face. My eyes still felt puffy from crying.

After about half an hour of roaming about aimlessly, I finally came upon the first floor. Hey! I was getting the hang of this! I found the entrance hall and entered the Great Hall. I was the only one there. There weren't even any teachers. I walked down the hall between the four tables. I stopped in front of the Staff Table. Walking around behind the table, I thought how the students must look so small from Dumbledore's point of view. I sat down at the tallest chair, right in the center. It must have been his. I surveyed the Great Hall from my throne, pretending to lord over thousands of students. I smiled cockily at the thought of being the tallest person in the room.

"Finding everything alright?" A deep, cheerful voice from behind me almost caused me to fall off of the chair. I turned in the seat to find Dumbledore standing a few feet away, having just entered from the staff lounge, I guessed. He smiled at me as if greatly amused at my behavior. He stood beaming with his hands behind his back, chuckling quietly.

"I-I…" I was a bit embarrassed to be caught in such an important person's chair. "I was- was pretending to be you?" It came out as a strangled sort of question, rather than an excuse. It was as if I were asking him what he wanted me to say. I made to get up so he could sit down, but he raised a hand and shook his head.

"No, by all means, remain seated, milady. I can't have you go and sit all alone at Slytherin Table; we would both be very lonely!" He pulled out another chair next to me and sat down, looking as if he'd like nothing better than to sit in a different seat. He grinned. "Well, we certainly can't have breakfast without food, now can we?" He clapped his hands and food burst into being before our very eyes. "Well, tuck in, my dear Miss Fawkes!" And without further ado, he tucked in.

I nervously smiled and began to eat, as well. I felt special, somehow, sitting and eating breakfast with the headmaster, at the Staff Table. I felt like a VIP. I was curious, though, as to why he didn't mention my little episode from the night before. I expected him to continue urging me to stay, but I wasn't going to let it get to me.

About half an hour later, footsteps echoed from the entrance hall. I looked up to see Severus trot into the Great Hall. He smiled when he saw me. He ran up to the Staff Table. I smiled as he hopped into the chair net to me.

"What're you doing sitting up here, Sylistia?" He laughed. "You're not a teacher!"

"I-I know." I felt nervous. Dumbledore was ignoring us as he continued to eat his eggs. "I… was just playing." I muttered, embarrassed.

"Looks fun," Severus looked down at his reflection in the plate before him. "Look how tall we are!" He looked over all of the house tables with a sort of haughty expression, chin held high. "I saw that you'd left early, and I went looking." He surreptitiously dragged a piece of bacon off of my plate and began munching it as he spoke. I had a strong urge to laugh, but didn't.

After a while, a Ravenclaw girl walked in, reading a book as she sat down. She glanced up and looked a bit puzzled by the sight of two students at the Staff Table, but then she sat down, grabbed a piece of toast, and continued reading as she ate. I looked over at Severus.

"Maybe we should go sit at our table, before anyone else gets here," I suggested. He nodded, grabbed a cinnamon roll, and jumped down from the chair. We sat down at Slytherin Table as a few more students filtered into the Great Hall. The room gradually brightened and the ceiling glowed as the sun rose higher. A few thunderheads could be seen climbing over the mountains through the high windows of the Hall.

Slughorn came by after nearly everyone was present and told us that all first-years would be given a new mandatory class for the first month or so- broomstick training. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and tried to dwell on less frightening thoughts. I couldn't find any. I watched the second hand on my watch, willing it to stop. I dreaded that first class. How was I supposed to hold on to a flying stick with no wings or engine? I shuddered at the thought.

An hour later, I was trudging across the grounds behind Severus and Lily, toward my certain doom. Out on the field, a small breeze catching my lank hair, I stood stock-still, waiting for the class to begin. The teacher, a slightly older woman with windswept hair, named Madame Hooch, began to pace in between the two rows we had formed, each of us standing to the left of a twisted, old broom.

I trembled on the spot as I anticipated my first magic feat. Then I wondered: what if I can't get off of the ground? What if I'm the only one who can't fly a broomstick? I'd just die! When everyone had arrived and were assembled, Madame Hooch spoke up in a clear, projected voice.

"Everyone have a broomstick? Good." She continued to pace up and down between the rows. "Now first, everyone hold your right hand out over your broomstick, and say 'up'."

Together, everyone did as she had instructed. I held my hand out over my broom, parallel to the ground, imagined pooling all of my magic into my hand, and said as clearly and confidently as I could, "Up!" The broom shot straight up into my hand so fast and hard, it stung. The handle of the broom vibrated in my hand. I gripped it tightly. My knuckles were turning white, but I still held on, trying not to look like I couldn't control it.

Beside me, Severus glared evilly at his broomstick, which twitched on the ground next to him like a twig in a breeze. His continued utterances of "Up. Up. Up! UP!!" grew louder and louder, as his face rapidly reddened. It was the first I'd seen any color in him. As my broom continued attempting to escape, the teacher began to instruct us on the proper way to mount our broomstick. When the teacher wasn't looking, Severus reached down and snatched up his broom, which immediately began twitching. I snickered as I climbed on to my quivering broom. Severus rolled his eyes, but didn't look at me.

The teacher was congratulating Potter on his mount when suddenly, Severus flew backwards, away from his broom. I whipped around to see his broom hovering next to me, having apparently just thrown him off. He jumped onto his feet and marched back towards the broom. He grabbed the handle violently, and it spun around, right into his gut. I winced as he slumped to the ground, arms folded over his stomach. Glaring, he attempted again to mount his broom. Once he was on, however, the broom began to buck relentlessly, lurching and jerking, as Severus held on tighter. A Ravenclaw girl began to laugh loudly, and some other students, mostly Gryffindors, joined in, before Severus finally lost his grip and slid off of his broom, landing heavily on the ground.

Severus stood up hastily, red in the face, and backed away from the group, arms crossed. Lily reached out a consoling hand, but he shook his head nervously, so she shrugged and withdrew. I turned around to see Potter and Black sniggering wickedly and pointing. Then Potter shifted his position on his broom and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Hey, Snivellus," he said under his breath, so only Severus, Black, and I heard. "I guess the broomstick's trying to send you a message, like even inanimate objects can't stand the sight of you!"

"Shut up, Potter!" I wouldn't have even realized that it was my voice, if Potter hadn't turned and glared at me upon hearing it.

"Excuse me?" He ran a hand through his black hair again.

"Y-you heard me." I tried to sound confident, but it wasn't working. "L-leave him a- alone."

Black turned to Potter and they began to laugh at me. I felt the color in my face rising. "Well," Potter muttered again. "He can't even stay on his broom, and he calls himself a Wizard!"

"Oh," I retorted, quite unable to control myself. "Like you can fly a broom any better."

"Actually, I can, twit." He ran his hand through his hair again, and I wanted to yank it out. "I've been flying since before I could walk!"

"Really?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow. The voice wasn't mine anymore. It was as if some fearless, insane person had entered my body and taken control. I could hardly believe the next words I uttered, much less the casual, indifferent tone I said them in. "Then I'm sure you wouldn't mind proving it?"

"What, you mean… like a race?" Potter asked, seemingly in disbelief.

"Exactly." I gripped my broom and felt the vibrations in the handle as if it were the movement of my own blood flowing through me. "Unless you're not feeling up to it?"

"Oh," Potter said, grinning. "I'm up to it, if you're ready to lose!"

"Fine, but you'll eat those words like you'll eat your heart out, Potter," I felt myself smirk and couldn't believe how utterly calm I was being. "Alright…" I peered around and spied a tree about a hundred meters away. The tree was almost bare, but I saw one spot of color among the naked branches, just inches from the top. I turned to my rival. "Potter, first one to snatch that little purple-red flower from that big tree over there and come back and land without crashing or losing the flower wins."

Potter squinted, then turned to me and nodded. He gripped his broom and picked one foot up off the ground. As Madame Hooch was turned around, preoccupied with a Hufflepuff boy who couldn't get onto his broom, Potter and I jockeyed into position, side by side, facing the distant tree. Sirius Black began to whisper, "On your marks, get set…" He glanced at Hooch, who wasn't looking, took a deep breath, and bellowed, "GO!"

I kicked off, completely unaware of what I was doing. I sped toward the bare tree. I could hear Hooch screaming at us, but I didn't care. This was for Severus. I would avenge his honor. Potter would not, could not, get away with humiliating my only friend. I heard the whistle and knew I was in trouble, but if Potter wouldn't stop, neither would I. Even if I was expelled, I would have taught his cocky ass a lesson.

The tree was about fifty meters away, now. I was halfway there, neck-and-neck with Potter. My heart beat in my chest like a war drum and adrenaline flooded through my veins, freezing me. I was a hundred feet off the ground, and I was traveling faster than most airplanes did. The wind pulled at my face, cold and harsh. I strained to pass Potter, but I remained tied with him. Thirty yards from the tree, I stretched my arm out in front of me as far as I could. When Potter did the same, however, I realized he had a better reach than I did. I cursed myself inwardly for thinking I could make it. I was so stupid! What was I thinking? Then something inside me snapped, perhaps my sanity, because as we approached the tree, I pushed myself to the end of my broomstick, almost tipping it forward, but my slight form made me so light, the broom remained level. I clenched the weathered handle between my thighs, took a deep breath, and released my other hand from the broom. I straightened my back and leaned forward, broomstick tipping down precariously. I tried to look at the bright side, though. If I die, they can't expel me!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Potter bellowed at me, glancing at me every second. "YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF, YOU IDIOT!" He sounded worried, but I wasn't going to listen to him. He would never beat me. Within forty feet of the tree, Potter flattened himself against the broom and sped up. "GIVE UP! YOU WON'T MAKE IT!" I ignored him, perhaps a stupid decision, but what's the difference between foolishness and courage? Only whether or not you win. The brave can't lose. No way. But the foolish always lose... everything. Thirty.. twenty… ten feet. I thrust myself forward, grasping, not breathing. Potter's fingers brushed mine, but never felt the satiny petals enclosed in my fingers. Then I fell.

The broom, unable to remain level when I lurched forward, nosed over and dove toward the ground, spinning like an electric drill all one hundred and fifty feet down. As the Earth rushed up to greet me, Potter pulled in next to me, also diving. He reached out a hand. "TAKE MY HAND!" he screamed.

"I-I'LL LOSE THE FLOWER!" I yelled back. It was stupid, but I didn't want to lose. Even ninety feet and falling, I wouldn't give up.

"YOU'LL DIE! YOU STUPID FOOL!" Potter looked down. Fifty feet from the ground, he shook his head, realizing that I wasn't giving up. He pulled back, out of the dive, thirty-five feet up. I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact, tensing up, purple-red blossom in hand, and I pulled. I pulled back with everything I had. I opened my eyes, saw the grass falling up, and then it wasn't. I was gliding along, two feet above the ground, toward the class of gaping students. About a yard from the group, I pulled my broom to the side and stopped, a foot from Severus, who stood at the front of the class, awe-struck.

"Th-that was bloody amazing!" He stared at me. I felt cold all over for a second, then I collapsed, gasping and heaving, struggling to breathe. My throat was cold and raw; my lungs felt like they were going to explode. Black spots and white flashes invaded my vision. I coughed and coughed, but couldn't breathe in. Hands were grasping me, pulling me; voices were shouting. Severus's voice reached me across forever. "Sylistia! Sylistia, wake up! Please! Get up!"

"Oh, my God, are you OK?" Potter's voice mingled in the background. "I told you, I told you not to!"

"Stuff it, Potter!" Lily's voice? "I heard you! You didn't have to race her, you agreed. You should have known this would happen! A girl her size can't fly like that without practice and not get sick!"

Sick? Was I sick? I answered myself immediately by coughing into my hand. When I looked, I saw the little flower still in my hand, covered in blood -- my blood. The world spun as someone lifted me off of the ground. Madame Hooch yelled from somewhere above me. "Snape! Run ahead to Madame Pomfrey; tell her there's an emergency!" I heard running footsteps as Severus dashed toward the school, then: "POTTER! You come with me!" Then I felt myself moving, limp in Madame Hooch's arms. As we entered the school, I glanced at Potter, who was white in the face and shaking. I lifted my fist. He nervously held out his hand. I opened my fingers and dropped the bloody flower into James Potter's open palm.

"I win." That was the last thing I said. Then my world turned to night.


	5. A Piece of the Sun

Soft light shone from somewhere off to my right. The cream-colored drapes around me choked the brightness of the sunlight streaming into the room. It felt like morning, but I couldn't think straight. My vision was blurred and my mouth was drier than cotton. I felt heavy, lying on the softest bed I'd ever lain on. I sat up slowly, joints popping, and stretched my leaden arms. I yawned and looked around. I was in a bed with white sheets, enclosed in off-white curtains. I could have been in a hospital, but something told me I wasn't.

I swung my numb legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. Pulling the soft curtains back, I peered around. The room was slightly on the long side, but not very wide. There were a number of beds lined up, all identical. All of their curtains were pulled back, though. I was the only one there. I strode toward the far end of the room, to the door. I reached for the doorknob, but no sooner had my fingers touched it than it jiggled. I jumped back as the door swung open. Severus started.

"Sylistia?" He looked at me solicitously. "Are you allowed to be up?"

"I don't know," I answered truthfully.

"Maybe you should lie back down," Severus walked back over to the bed with me, and I sat down reluctantly. I just wanted to go to class like everyone else. "Sylistia. That… that was some wicked flying you did yesterday. I've never seen anything like it!"

"Yesterday?" I'd been unconscious all day?

"Yeah, it's morning, now. I just woke up and came to visit you. I was here last night, too, but Madame Pomfrey made me leave at bedtime." He looked around the room. "You're the first person to get sent to the hospital wing this year."

"You… came to visit me?" I didn't think he would go out of his way like that; we'd only just met. It made me feel good, though, like I had a real friend.

"Well, Lily was there, too." He shifted his weight and tucked his hair behind his left ear. "If you feel better, we should go down to breakfast."

"Okay." I stood up. "But I need to go to the dormitory first, to change." Severus nodded and we walked down to the dungeons. He waited in the common room as I changed in the dormitory. I grabbed my book bag and met Severus to go up to breakfast. As we ascended floor after floor, he explained repeatedly how cool my feat looked from the ground. He recounted how I had leveled off two feet above the ground and how the whole class had closed their eyes and cringed.

"I mean," he was saying as we entered the entrance hall, "I haven't seen professionals fly like that, and you've probably never been on a broom in your life!"

"No, I haven't." I couldn't believe it. Did the rest of the class love it that much? More importantly, though, was I going to get in trouble? We walked into the Great Hall and sat down at Slytherin Table. I noticed that some kids looked up at me as we passed, and I saw that James Potter had a group around him at Gryffindor Table. We began to eat and a few second-years down the table began whispering together, glancing over at me every few seconds. I nervously tried to ignore them and finished my breakfast as fast as I could. Then I stood up. "I-I'm gonna go outside for a while; I need some air."

Severus stood up and went with me. We walked a ways across the ground, toward the beech tree by the lake. I sat down and sighed. Severus seemed to realize I wanted peace, so he tugged his potions book out of his bag and buried his nose in it. All was still for a while, until people started coming out of the castle. A group of Ravenclaw girls, about four of them, approached us timidly. I looked up at them. Oh, great; here it comes.

"Excuse me?" One girl piped up. She looked like a first year, with long, mouse-brown hair pulled back into a bushy pony-tail. "Are you the girl who raced James Potter yesterday?"

"Er, yes," I answered, hoping that was all they wanted.

"You won, didn't you?" Another girl, a blonde, asked, wide-eyed.

"Yes." I sighed. I stood up, and Severus did the same, stowing his book away.

"You know, he got recruited." The brown-haired girl said.

"Eh?" I turned around.

"He got put on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, instead of being expelled!" The blonde jumped up and down excitedly. "They say he's the only first-year to ever be recruited!" Hey, then maybe I won't be expelled. If they didn't throw him out, they couldn't throw me out, it wouldn't be fair.

"What's 'squid ditch'?" I inquired, puzzled. Severus turned to me.

"You don't know Quidditch?" He raised an eyebrow. "It's the most popular wizarding game ever."

"I don't really know all that much about the wizarding world, to be honest." And I was. My mother had never mentioned anything, for fear of my magic-hating father.

As we approached the castle, more students began to latch onto our group, firing questions faster than I could make up answers. Everyone wanted to know if I'd ever flown a broomstick before, who my parents were, if I was related to a famous Quidditch player, and whatnot. I felt like maybe being popular wasn't as great as it seemed.

We had just entered the hall, when professor McGonagall spotted me and strode toward us. "Miss Fawkes, you need to come with me, please, now." She sounded stern, but she didn't look very angry. Severus took a step forward. "Not you, Mr. Snape. Only Miss Fawkes." He shrugged as I fell in step beside McGonagall, struggling to keep up with her long strides as I glanced over my shoulder to the students staring and whispering behind me.

She led me upstairs and down the hall to a door flanked by two stone gargoyles. McGonagall turned to the gargoyles and said, "Acid Pops!" The gargoyle nodded and jumped aside, and the door opened to a stone staircase. The stairs were in motion, spiraling upward. We slowly ascended, and I wondered if this was the last magic I would see before I was expelled. After all this, how could I live as a Muggle, knowing one tiny slip-up cost me my future.

At the top of the moving staircase, we went through a door into a large, circular office. It was a nice office, with a big desk, a chair, and portraits all around the walls. Peering at one of the closer portraits, one of a woman, I saw a plaque beneath with her name: Dilys Derwent. Under that, a few of her achievements in life, and beneath that "Hogwarts Headmistress". All the rest were labeled similarly. "Dilys" waved at me motherly, and I waved back, not even stopping to process the fact that I was waving to a picture.

"Miss Fawkes," Dumbledore said. I started. I hadn't even noticed him, he blended in so well with the room. I nervously approached the desk, hands folded in front of me. My heartbeat hastened. I was in for it now. "Am I correct in saying that yesterday, during your first broomstick flying lesson, you engaged in reckless horseplay that could have, and very nearly did, cause injury to yourself and/or someone else?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"Please explain." He folded his fingers, elbows on the desk in front of him, and rested his chin on his knuckles. He leaned forward, listening intently.

"I… I raced James Potter." I was still appalled that I had done it, and now I was confirming it. "He made fun of my friend, and I told him I could fly better than him… I didn't mean to do it, it just sort of happened, and once I said it, I couldn't back down." Even as the words left my shivering lips, I felt stupid.

"Well, well," Dumbledore shook his head and stood up. I stared at the floor, blood rushing into my face, as he circled the desk. "You were very reckless, very spontaneous, and overall… very loyal." My head snapped up. What? Was he congratulating me? But, what I did was stupid! "You showed true devotion, risking your life to protect a friend's honor." He stopped pacing and continued in a quieter tone. "Just think what you could do to honor your whole house."

For a moment, I didn't register what he was saying. I looked up into his face, his deep blue eyes. He smiled. The cold in my chest melted away. The feeling flooded back into my legs. All from a smile.

"How," Dumbledore continued, "would you like to play Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch team? It would be fun, you'd be popular, and Slytherin does need a new Seeker, a good one for a change." He raised his eyebrows inquiringly. "What do you say?"

"I say go for it!" I turned around fast. Severus had spoken, from behind Professor Slughorn, who seemed to have just arrived, huffing and puffing. Severus had obviously snuck in behind him, for Slughorn seemed quite surprised to see him there.

"Severus?"

"Go for it, Sylistia!" He rushed into the room and stood before me, ignoring the awestruck teachers. "This is the magic you were looking for! Sylistia, this is it! You didn't think you had it in you, but you did! It was there all along! It's your purpose!"

"That's true, Miss Fawkes," Dumbledore agreed. "You said you had no magic, but you just didn't know where your particular magical qualities lay. Apparently, you're a superb flyer! Looks like I win our little bet!"

Severus grinned enthusiastically, and I had no choice. "I'm in!" I said, before I could control myself. "But…" I looked inquisitively up at Dumbledore. "…what's Quidditch?"

...

"This… is the Quaffle." Lucius indicated the large red ball he held in one hand. "Want to hold it?" I reached out and accepted the "Quaffle". It wasn't light, but it wasn't heavy, either. I couldn't tell if it was made out of rubber or wood. It was possibly the weirdest ball I had ever seen. At least, that's what I thought before he opened the big trunk at his feet. Inside were two more balls, identical and jet black. They were a little smaller than the Quaffle, but looked a lot heavier. The funny thing was, though, that these particular balls strained desperately against the leather straps that held them in place.

"Those two black ones are Bludgers," Lucius explained. He picked up a large wooden bat, shaped a little like a cricket bat. "Two players, beaters, will use these clubs to hit the Bludgers toward enemy players, to knock them off balance." I eyed the aggressive bludgers warily. I could already see myself being creamed by one of those things. I shuddered. What was I doing?

"Let me see that," Lucius took the Quaffle and placed in its empty spot in the trunk. He reached down and unclasped a little strap, holding a small black box, like one that would hold a necklace. "Hold out your hand." He took something out of the box and held it , concealed in his fist, over my hand. He dropped something light and cool into my hand. I heard a buzzing, like a wasp was sitting in my hand. Intrigued, I opened my hand. Resting on my palm was a tiny golden ball, no bigger than a walnut. Its tiny wings buzzed at its sides, but it remained on my palm. I found myself transfixed by the little ball. I couldn't take my eyes off its beautiful golden sheen. Lucius laughed. "Like it, huh? That's the Snitch. Your only goal is to catch that before the other team's Seeker. It'll earn us one hundred and fifty points, and it's the only thing that will end the game."

Wow. I had to find and catch this teeny thing? It couldn't be too hard, though. How fast could those tiny wings take it, anyway? Lucius took the ball and put it back into the box, fastened it into the trunk, and carried the trunk back into the supply shed. "First practice is on Saturday, nine A.M. Meet here then, and make sure you eat breakfast."

We walked toward the school together. Night was falling rapidly. As we descended into the dungeons, Lucius explained to me the rules of Quidditch, adding a few tips and ticks as he went. That night I lay awake, visualizing myself, flying on a broomstick. I fell asleep still dwelling on it. I dreamt I was flying, looking around a dark place. I saw nothing, heard nothing. Then something caught my eye. A golden flash. I spun to face the little ball. I sped forward, hand outstretched, getting closer by the second.

Suddenly, something loomed up in front of me. James Potter, enlarged against the dark, grinning evilly at me, the shadows on his face making him look cruel and dark. I froze. The Snitch was mere feet away. Potter reached out with a huge, clawed hand and grabbed the Snitch. His evil laugh resounded through me. His booming voice, filled with malice: "Not fast enough, Fawkes!" I was falling, I slipped through the darkness…

...

Saturday morning, I sat at the Slytherin table. I felt cold. I was shaking from head to foot, despite the encouragements from Severus. Even Lily chimed in, saying that it was only practice, and I had plenty of time before the first real game. I calmed down a little and tried to eat. At 8:45, I began the long walk down to what Lucius had called the "Quidditch Pitch". Severus and Lily left me at the changing room and went to go wait in the stands.

No one paid attention to me as I crept into the changing room. I approached Lucius, who was straightening the twigs of his broomstick, already dressed in an emerald robe with silver trim. "Hey, Sylistia!" He put his broom aside and pulled over a bag. He handed me a folded green and silver robe. "Here you go, I hope I got your size right." I accepted the robe and went to change.

It was my size, almost perfect. I tugged on my riding gloves and inspected my image in a nearby mirror. The rest of the team had left the room by now, so I went out to the pitch. Lucius was trying to get everyone to settle down, but failing. Two players were dueling with the beaters' clubs. One was short and chubby. His face was one of the ugliest I had ever seen. The other was taller and very buff. He didn't really look like the smartest person, but as long as he kept those horrible bludgers away from me, I'd be satisfied.

"Here, Sylistia." Lucius handed me a broomstick. It looked kind of old, but the twigs were straight. "It's a cleansweep, so it's an older model, but this is only practice; we can find you a better one later." I nodded and accepted the broomstick. The handle began to vibrate again. I tried not to look like it was, though. Finally, Lucius got everyone calmed down and began giving instructions.

"OK, everyone, get out there!" The team dispersed to their positions as Lucius opened the trunk. "Sylistia, I'm going to release the snitch last, so be ready." He unfastened the bludgers' straps. I ducked as the black spheres whizzed by my head. I mounted my broom and kicked off. It was ridiculously easy to control, despite the constant vibrating. Lucius, down on the ground, had the quaffle under one arm as he released the snitch. It hovered a few feet above him for a couple seconds, just revolving in midair. Then it was off. I saw a flash of gold, that was all. I couldn't see it anywhere. I looked into the stands. There were a few kids, among them, Severus and Lily, who waved at me and seemed to be shouting encouragement. I spun around, searching for the golden ball. Frustrated, I climbed as high as I dared and peered around, squinting my eyes against the harsh glare of the sun.

A half hour into the practice, a whistle blew, and everyone started landing. I descended, a little quickly, and alighted next to Lucius. He looked a bit exasperated. "Carrow!" He growled. The short, ugly beater started. "Stop fooling around and keep your eyes on those bludgers! Avery was almost pounded back there!" Carrow hung his head and flushed. The other beater snickered. "Oh, you think that's funny, Crabbe?" The tall beater blushed, too, and shut his mouth quickly.

"You all need to shape up! Our first match against Gryffindor is in one month! If we don't get our act together, they'll cream us! Do you want that to happen? Huh?"

"No!" The team cried in unison.

"Then remember that! We can't let Longbottom win again!"

"Who's Longbottom?" I asked the boy next to me.

"Gryffindor's captain."

"Oh."

"Alright," Lucius said, waving his hand dismissively. "Get up there." We took off as he blew his whistle. I resumed my search of the elusive snitch. The sun rose higher as I searched. I got hot and sweaty under my green robes. The light glared off of everything. I felt lightheaded and was ready to quit, when I spied a glint of light out of the corner of my eye. The snitch! I veered in its direction and sped toward it. As if realizing it was being pursued, the winged ball sped, not away, but past me. Taken by surprise, I banked impossibly around and sped after it, the tip of my tongue poking out of the corner of my mouth from concentration.

I gained speed. The wind pressed my skin tight against my bones. My eyes watered. Warm air swept my robes back so that they felt about to rip. I stretched a hand out to the poor sphere that didn't stand a chance against my speed. I gained quickly on the little thing. My fingers lashed out. As they closed around the panicked orb, I passed it. My arm was behind me as I gripped the struggling ball tightly. I felt its wings fluttering frantically against my palm. Fist in the air, I landed lightly on the ground next to Lucius.

"L-Lucius!" I gasped, grinning and holding up my hand. "I caught… caught it!"

"Good job, Sylistia." Lucius said, nodding at me. I handed him the ball. "That took you forty-five minutes, let's see if you can beat it, eh?" I nodded eagerly and mounted my broom. He reached back over his shoulder and chucked the snitch straight up into the sky. I shot after it, almost perpendicular to the ground. It's a little like fetch, I thought, and flushed, but practice is perfect. The next time I caught the snitch (almost falling from my broom at fifty feet), Lucius congratulated my new time - twenty-five minutes. He sent the ball whizzing through the air straight toward the sun, and I dutifully soared off in pursuit.

After a few more chases, I had beaten my time down to ten minutes, although my last one took fifteen. Lucius seemed awed at my speed and told me so at the end of practice. "I've never seen such speed and maneuvering! You're a natural!" I flushed at his praise and turned away. The other team members seemed pleased as well and were very chipper. It was as if they'd never had a good player before and, now that they did, they felt invincible.

Everyone trucked off to the changing room. I sat on my broom, hovering with my feet a couple inches off of the ground. I began to rise higher, barely noticing that I was… I opened my hand and the snitch floated slowly away. It hovered before me for a second, rotating, then sped off. Within a minute I had recaptured it. I turned the golden ball in my hand, watching the lowering sun glint even more golden off of its smooth surface. I felt I was holding a little piece of the sun.


	6. Eyes on the Prize Candy and Lies

"Miss Fawkes, pay attention!" Professor McGonagall's sharp voice cut through my dreams and I woke up with a start. I snapped to attention, startled, and Sirius Black sniggered two seats over. I glared at him when McGonagall turned back to the large rabbit she was turning into a pillow. "Now, as I was saying, when saying the spell, be sure you are clear and you wave your wand in a clockwise, then downward, motion, like so…" As she demonstrated, I began again to drift off.

To tell the truth, I really wanted to learn. Who knows when you need a pillow and you're lost in the forest. Heh, heh… However, I was exhausted. I had been up all night, reading about Quidditch by wand light. I'd checked several books out three days before, after my first Quidditch practice: _Quidditch Through the Ages, An Amateur's Guide to Quidditch, Easy Broom Maneuvers and Helpful Tricks_, and even one on broom maintenance, titled _Take Care of Your Broomstick, and It'll Take Care of You!_ I'd read _Quidditch Through the Ages and Take Care of Your Broomstick, and It'll Take Care of You!_ through twice each on Sunday, having not had much to do. It was the first Sunday I'd ever not gone to church, having been raised by a very pious father. I wondered why a castle wouldn't have a chapel, but then, perhaps the founders had wanted to be fair and had turned it into an office or classroom. I didn't let it bother me, though. It had given me time to finish my homework.

By breakfast today, I had already read every Quidditch book in the library I could find at least twice, and facts and statistics raced through my head all day. Severus, upon learning this last class (charms), had commented very fervently on the fact. "No human can read that fast! Their brain would pop!" were his exact words. Frankly, though, there are only fifteen books on Quidditch in the school library and the longest was only five hundred pages.

"Miss Fawkes!" I jumped, my left knee banging painfully on the leg of my desk. I winced and looked at the teacher. I grinned sheepishly into her stone-cold glare. She continued to talk, but didn't take her eyes off mine. "Now, everyone, it's your turn." She waved her wand and a rabbit appeared on every student's desk. Mine was black. Its nose twitched, making its many long whiskers dance around. Its huge eyes glittered brown. I smiled at it, and it began to sniff the air, raising its head a little, so that its tiny, crescent-shaped mouth was visible underneath. Its long ears were flat against its back, but one perked up a little as it sniffed. A quiet chirruping sound issued from it. It was the first I'd every been around a real rabbit. I'd never really been near very many animals at all.

"Sylistia, would you like to demonstrate?" McGonagall asked curtly. I started again and stopped scratching my rabbit behind the ears. I raised my wand and opened my mouth before realizing I hadn't paid attention to the word.

"Uhhh… er…" I felt heat flood my face, then drain from it. "I forgot the magic word, Professor," I squeaked sheepishly.

"The _magic word_," McGonagall replied, frustrated, "is 'please'. The _spell_ you are using is _'Leporidae pulvinus'_." Embarrassed, I repeated the words and waved my wand clockwise and down. Apparently, I hadn't done it right, because my rabbit only chirruped louder and puffed up a little. McGonagall shook her head. I flushed. Black sniggered again. I wanted to smack him.

...

"Alright! Everyone listen up!" Lucius's harsh tone made me wince. I was listening. How could I not? This was the most important thing that had happened to me yet. I sat nervously on the players bench in the changing room, twisting a green thread around my finger, as if for luck. No luck now; just skill from here on out. I'd read for days, weeks. I'd practiced hard and studied hard. Still, it was too soon. I listened to the impatient buzzing of the waiting crowd. The weeks had flown almost as fast as me.

"Now, the cloud cover should ease the sunlight, so you won't be blinded, but the wind is terrible, so you may need to correct for balance." Lucius picked up his broom and we all copied him. "Let's go, Slytherin!" He jogged out of the room and we followed suit. I clutched my old, splintering cleansweep tightly. I caught up to Lucius near the doorway, and he nodded to me. "Keep your eyes on the prize, Sylistia!" As soon as we ran into the pitch, the wind blasted us, carrying the shouts of mostly only Slytherin. I searched the nearest stands, a wave of green and black, waving silver banners and signs and screaming their hearts out against three times as many boos and catcalls. We strode against the gale, toward the center of the field, where Madame Hooch stood next to the Gryffindor team, headed by Frank Longbottom in his scarlet robes. Behind Longbottom, Potter raised an eyebrow and smirked at me challengingly. I was ready to take him on. My many weeks of practice had all been for this.

Lucius and Longbottom were made to shake hands by Madame Hooch, who didn't seem to notice how Longbottom winced at Lucius's crushing grip. "I want a fair game, all of you!" She glared at Lucius, who smiled innocently. Everyone knew Slytherins weren't fair.

On her whistle, the balls were released, snitch last, and we took off. I soared up towards the sky. I glance backward, where Potter was gaining on me fast… following me? The rushing wind did not deter him at all as he climbed ever higher into the low clouds. I lay flat against my broom and sped up.

He caught up quickly, now gliding upward beside me. I halted and he stuttered, going a bit higher before stopping and drifting down into place next to me. He ran a hand through his hair. I'd noticed him doing it lately; it seemed to be a habit of his. He smirked at me idiotically.

"Hey, Fawkes," He shouted over the wind, despite the fact that we were two feet apart. "Just to be fair, I'll tell you when I see the snitch and you can get a head start!"

"Oh, I don't think you'll have to, Potter," I quipped angrily, "because I'll see it first." Unable to think of a comeback, he floated back toward the pitch, scowling.

Smug, I turned around, searching for the little chip of sun I had trained myself to see. I heard the commentator, a mean Slytherin girl I didn't know particularly well, screaming about something and turned to see Lucius nearly fall off his broom, having been knocked by a bludger sent by Gryffindor. I winced as he righted himself, then sent the red-haired beater a very inappropriate hand signal. Enraged, the beater shot toward Lucius, brandishing his club menacingly. Lucius looked surprised and zoomed away, under the pretense of chasing a Gryffindor in possession of the quaffle.

I turned around just as a bolt of lightning illuminated the entire school grounds. Shrieks of surprise rose from the stands and the Gryffindor chaser dropped the quaffle, which Lucius caught and sent straight toward Gryffindor's goal. Frank Longbottom, the keeper, smacked it effortlessly away and the emerald-clad students moaned in unison. The commentator groaned, then yelled, "SLYTHERIN STILL IN POSSESSION! MAYBE THEY HAVE A COMEBACK?!" I looked over and saw her rising from her seat, eyes glued to Lucius, whizzing towards Longbottom, quaffle in hand.

Suddenly there was a clap of loud thunder. I almost fell off my broom. Equally as sudden, there was an ensuing downpour of freezing rain. I was instantly drenched. I heard cries of annoyance from the stands. They thought they were uncomfortable. Right about then, it occurred to me that the lightning was becoming increasingly more frequent and I was almost two hundred feet in the air, almost the highest point on the grounds. My only comfort was knowing that the Astronomy tower was a little bit taller.

I started to shiver. I felt like a wimp, but it wasn't my fault. I had a condition. I couldn't be exposed to cold temperatures for two long, because I go hypothermic almost three times easier and faster than normal people. Once, when I was seven, I got lost in the snow and had a seizure. I woke up three days later in the emergency room. Even as I recalled this, I shuddered violently. I feared I was about to let go of my broom. I held on as tight as I could and started slowly descending.

My fingers were already bluish and numb by the time I got to fifty feet. I felt my spirits dropping with my temperature and my altitude. I sighed. I was going to lose our first match. I felt so bad. I shuddered one more time, then looked toward the Slytherin goals. I turned towards the stands, then snapped my head back to the goals. There it was!! The snitch was hovering about ten feet off the ground, two inches away from the left goal. I drifted towards it, noticing that James was waving cockily to a row of excited Gryffindor girls. He wasn't paying any attention, the stupid git! Encouraged, I sped straight for the snitch. The rain pelted my face and the wind dragged on me, but I didn't care, I was going to win! I was so eager to grab that snitch… that I didn't even see the bludger, even as the crowd screamed.

I was about two yards from the goal and the snitch, when I felt the most terrible pain. I heard a sickening crack and let go of my broom. I tried to hold on, but my left arm refused to cooperate. Scared and confused, I looked up. The snitch was still there, as if taunting me. Cruel little bastard. I turned in time to see the bludger speeding back towards me. The blood left my face as I pulled up my broom, one-handed, and moved out of its way just before I lost my other arm. Shaking, and possibly bleeding, I took a deep breath and darted for the snitch. Unfortunately, it was at that very point that the golden ball decided to zip away. Cursing myself and high Heaven, I shot straight up after it.

I heard the commentator say my name, but didn't know what she said. I heard shouts and roars and thunder, but the storm didn't scare me anymore. I wanted to win. I was going to win! No one could stop me! Right on cue, Potter came out of nowhere. He caught up to and began to pass me. Determined, I struggled to push forward… or up. Potter glanced at me. He seemed surprised about something. He probably didn't know that I'd been hit.

"Give up!" he yelled over the wind and rain. "You're injured!"

"No, really?" I asked sarcastically. I kept going and ignored his continued inaudible warnings. The snitch took a sharp turn and began going parallel to the ground. I turned fluidly after it, and Potter faltered. I reached out with my good arm, holding my broomstick between my legs. I felt a trickle of warm blood whisper down my hand. My fingers were less that a foot from the golden wings, when a sharp twang of pain shot through the left side of my torso. It felt as if my arm were coming off completely. I winced and grabbed my broom. I saw James Potter's arm reach around me and grab the snitch. Then I fell.

I slid off of my broom, half blind. I plummeted toward the pitch, unable to do anything but watch as the ground rushed eagerly to greet me with open arms. I closed my eyes and heard thousands of voices screaming. Then I hit. I stopped falling. Strangely, it didn't hurt like I'd expected it to. I opened my eyes a little and saw Lucius's face, worried and tense. I hadn't hit the ground, he'd caught me.

"Sylistia!" He landed and jumped off his broom, kneeling and placing me carefully on the ground. Looking up, I saw Dumbledore and McGonagall rushing towards us. "Amycus!" Lucius yelled. The short beater rushed forward. "Go fetch Madame Pomfrey, quick!" Carrow nodded and ran off to do as he was told. A crowd was upon me now, all asking stupid, pointless questions.

"Did Potter push you?!"

"What happened?!"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

I only had ears for one voice…

"Sylistia? Can you hear me? Say something!"

"Sev?" I groaned. I saw him and Lily leaning over me, both pale and frantic-looking. "Ohh… no. I lost?" I looked over Severus's shoulder. James Potter stood a few yards away, ashen and scared-looking, despite the fact that Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were avidly pounding his back for winning. As I was picked up by someone's strong but gentle arms, I thought he even looked a little bit ashamed of himself, hanging his head and looking at the golden ball in his hand with a look that said, _"What have I done?"_

_..._

"It's not so bad," Severus shrugged. "The potions helped, right?" They did. My arm was already healed and I could already feel my fingers again. I still felt horrible about losing the game, though, after trying so hard. Damn that Potter! _Damn_ him!

I was in a daze, now. The potions Madame Pomfrey gave me numbed the pain, but made me tired and a little dizzy. Severus's and Lily's faces drifted in and out of focus, but my mind was fine, despite my horribly mangled equilibrium. Their solicitousness annoyed me. They'd been here all day, sitting on the edge of my bed while I healed, offering to go get me food or another blanket. I just wanted to go to sleep, but I couldn't tell them to leave. They just wanted to help.

"At least you tried, dear," Lily placed a consoling hand on my forehead, brushing my lank, sweat-soaked bangs from my face. "That's really all that matters." Severus snorted.

"Yeah, right. Maybe for a Hufflepu-" Lily glared at him, and his words and tone shifted mid-sentence. "-exactly, Lil! Good point! You played brilliantly, and that's all that we care about!" As soon as Lily turned back to me, he scowled and rolled his eyes. I almost laughed. I sighed and stared forlornly at the plate of food they'd snuck me at lunch. I was too depressed about losing to eat.

"How's James?" I said it before I knew it and didn't know why. Maybe I just wondered if he was sorry.

"Fine," Severus spat angrily. His eyebrows lowered as he glared at the windowsill. "He sure isn't acting very remorseful." Strange, he seemed a little distraught when I saw him after the game, but then, I was a bit delusional. Still, it hurt to think he could watch someone fall a hundred feet, not help, and then not regret it.

...

_CRASH!!_ The bottle of powdered Ginseng slipped from my hand, smashing into a million shards on the floor. Everyone stared at me. I felt stupid. I'd been dropping things since my arm had been broken. Madame Pomfrey had said it was only temporary, but it had been a week and a half already. I blushed as I swept my wand over the mess, magic-ing it away. Professor Slughorn looked at me nervously, then quickly continued to correct Remus Lupin on the correct way to add dried wolfs bane to his red, steaming potion.

I sighed and strode over to the supply cabinet for some more Ginseng. Returning to my seat, I saw Potter looking at me. I had avoided him since my fall, though for some reason it seemed like he was doing the opposite. Now I saw him staring at me with a weird look on his face… a look of… pity? Disgusted, I turned away. How dare he? How dare he take my Snitch and then pity me? Of all the nerve!

...

I stirred my soup absentmindedly at lunch, resting my cheek on the knuckles of my free hand. I wasn't hungry, even though I hadn't eaten breakfast and all I'd had for supper was a baked potato. I still hadn't gotten over losing that damn Snitch! Now, instead of clapping me on the back and congratulating me, Slytherins passed me in the hall or the dungeons and threw me solicitous looks, concerned glances. This was not how it was supposed to be! It wasn't _fair_!

I was surprised to feel tears stinging my eyes. I stood up suddenly, nearly knocking Severus over.

"Sylist-"

"I need some fresh air, Severus." I used a tone utterly devoid of emotion, almost harsh. I left the table, swinging by rucksack over my shoulder and blinking back angry tears as I stormed out of the Great Hall, feeling the stares of curious students burning into my back. It's not fair! I thought again.

Eventually, I found myself in an empty hallway. I had no idea where I was, of course, but I didn't care. I didn't even know what floor I was on. Now, I did let my tears fall. Hot streams running down my face. I wandered around aimlessly, even after the bell tolled. I hid in an empty classroom while students filled, then emptied out of, the halls. I emerged from the room into the again-empty corridor, wiping away the last of my tears. I hiccupped and shuffled my feet along the cold stone floor.

"Hey."

I almost jumped out of my skin at the sudden quotation. I spun around, wondering if I'd been caught ditching. James Potter emerged from the shadows towards me. He smirked, but it was more like a grimace.

"What the hell do you want?" I spat, hoping he couldn't see, in the poorly lit corridor, how puffy and red my eyes were.

"I…" He trailed off, looking at the floor, not so smug as usual, almost embarrassed. "I wanted to talk to you." I waited, patiently fuming. "I… I'm really…" It seemed exceptionally difficult for him to say what was on his mind. "I'm… sorry." The last word was very small and quiet. I almost didn't hear it

"W-what did you just say?" I tilted my head, leaning towards him inquisitively. I was nearly positive I'd misheard him.

"I said I'm sorry," He clarified. He looked me straight in the eye when he said it. He really meant it.

"What the bloody Hell for?" I snapped. "You didn't even do anything!"

"That's just it!" Potter retaliated. His face reddened. He was humiliated now. He had poured out his small, but heartfelt, apology, and I'd slapped him across the face with it. He suddenly rambled on, speeding up, his voice getting louder and higher. "I could have helped you when you fell, but I went for that Snitch instead, and I really am sorry, and now you won't even accept my apology!" By the time he was done, he looked positively infuriated.

"I… I didn't mean to-"

"I don't care what you meant! Forget about it! I guess that's what I get for trying to be nice for once!" He abruptly spun around and stomped away, robes swishing angrily around his ankles.

"James!" I don't know why I stopped him. He halted and turned halfway around to look at me.

"What?" He was impatient.

"I forgive you. I didn't mean to dismiss you like that. I was just… I'm in a bad mood." I hung my head apologetically. James slowly walked back towards me. He didn't seem as angry as before.

"Where're you supposed to be, anyway?" He asked casually.

"Transfiguration," I answered quietly.

"I'll walk you, if you want."

"I don't want to go to class." I started off down the hall.

"You want some candy?" James asked nonchalantly, running a hand through his messy hair. I looked at him inquisitively.

"Um…? Sure? I guess so, but where would we… um…" I looked around, as if expecting a gumball machine to pop out of the wall.

"Promise not to tell."

"What?" I was starting to get confused.

"I'll show you something cool," He looked at me, one eyebrow raised mysteriously. "But only if you swear not to tell anyone." Intrigued, I nodded.

"OK, I promise."

...

"I don't get it." We were in an empty hallway, and James was searching for something.

"Hold on, I know it's here somewhere." He turned another corner and grinned. "Eureka!" He took a few steps forward and stopped. He was standing in front of a life-sized statue of a grotesque one-eyed witch. Utterly perplexed, I watched as he took out his wand, tapped the ugly statue's stone hump, and whispered _"dissendium."_ I stood gawking as the witch's hump opened like a toothless stone maw.

"C'mon," James jumped up and jumped into the gaping hole. Engrossed, I climbed up the statue, a surprisingly difficult feat, and jumped down.

James barely stopped me falling over when I touched the ground. We were in a narrow, cold, dark tunnel. I felt the walls, weathered stone covered in sticky cobwebs. I felt my way forward a few steps in the dark, before a light came on behind me. James had lit his wand and was trying to open his book bag one-handed.

"I'll hold that." James looked up. He nodded and handed me his wand. _So trusting_ I thought. I didn't know where the thought came from, it was strange. Why wouldn't he trust me? I was an eleven-year-old girl. I watched, perplexed, as James pulled something out of his bag. It looked almost like metal or liquid, but, upon closer observation, turned out to be a silvery, pliable cloth. Hardly noticing what I was doing, I reached out and gently ran my fingers over the soft, air-light material. James let go of his end to close his bag. In the dim wand-light, it almost glowed. James straightened up and took back his wand.

"What… what is it?" I ran the cloth through my hands.

"An invisibility cloak," He answered offhandedly. He held out his hand and I returned the cloth to him. It was about the size of a cloak or a sheet. Without explanation, he threw the cloak over both of us. I didn't feel any different.

"What are you doing?"

"No one will see us when we come out the other end, now. This cloak makes the wearer completely invisible." James explained. "My dad gave it to my right before I got on the Express."

We walked along in silence after that, and eventually came upon a set of stairs leading up to a trapdoor in the ceiling. Potter led the way, charily opening the trapdoor and peering out. He helped me into a dim room filled with stacks of boxes and piles of barrels. A storeroom.

"Where are we?" I whispered, looking around warily.

"Honeydukes," he muttered back.

"Honey what?"

"Honeydukes, the candy shop in Hogsmeade." He glanced at me. "That's the town closest to Hogwarts. Once you get to third year, you can go to Hogsmeade on certain weekends, if you get parent permission. Honeydukes is the most popular candy shop anywhere around here." He led me up more stairs, to a door, which opened right behind the shop's counter. The store seemed closed. The lights were off and no one was there. I looked around, thunderstruck. The room was full of some of the strangest things I'd ever heard of: Cockroach Clusters, Pepper Imps, Chocolate Frogs, Acid Pops? Then some I could identify: nougats, toffees, chocolates… I slowly crept out from under the cloak and wandered away as Potter looked through a shelf stacked with things called Ice Mice, Fizzing Whizbees, and Jelly Slugs. I walked past a huge barrel of "Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans" and stopped at the window display. I didn't see anyone on the street outside, so I ventured a closer look.

The sign said "Sugar Quills", and the display was two white feather quills supported on thin plastic supports. I reached out and gently picked one up. It was definitely not a feather. It was sugar. Spun sugar. It sparkled in the dim light streaming in through the tinted window. I tenderly placed the quill back in the display.

"You want it?" I started. James was right behind me, laden with boxes and bags of various candies. "Take it, it's all on me."

"Are you paying, or are we stealing?" I asked uneasily, but I picked up a box of Sugar Quills nevertheless.

"Sure, I'll pay," he shrugged. We moved up to the counter, and I grabbed one of everything as we went, even blood-flavored lollipops and exploding bonbons, which I didn't even plan on eating. When we got to the counter, James pulled out a bag of gold coins, which I remember as being called Galleons, and left the whole sack on the counter next to the register. James found a bag, and we stuffed our sweet treasures into it and left, through the trapdoor, down the long tunnel. James jumped up through the statue, then helped me out. The hall was empty, but it was getting late.

James and I split up our candy. He walked a ways with me, stuffing his cloak into his bag, and we talked about Quidditch, which led to classes, which led to friends.

"So… you're friends with Snivel- er, Snape, right?" I nodded. "I don't get it," James shook his head, amused. "What do you see in him?"

"I don't know… he's just my friend. It's simple." It was an honest answer. It was true. Friendship shouldn't be complicated. "I should probably get this to my room, before we get caught." James agreed and went off alone.

Ten minutes later, I was in my dorm room, munching on a licorice wand. I heard a tap on my door. I got up and opened it, but there was no one there. I looked down. A small pebble lay on the floor at my feet. Someone must have charmed it to fly down the hall. I walked into the common room and saw Severus waiting for me. Realizing I was still holding the candy wand, I quickly stuffed into my robe pocket.

"Severus?" I looked at him. "What are you up to?" I smiled in what I hoped was a casual, innocent way, and not a nervous, traitorous one.

"I could ask you the same thing." He walked towards me. I noticed one of his sleeves was shredded. "Where were you? You never showed up to class."

"I… I was really tired, and I forgot about class. I took a nap instead." He didn't look convinced. "Well… what did we do?"

"We _attempted_ to transfigure a cat into a lamp, but…" He held out his tattered sleeve.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, and immediately felt embarrassed at my concern. Of course he was OK, or he wouldn't be here, stupid.

"'Course I am, silly." The hint of a smirk… "You know, we're missing supper."

"Oh, yeah, well I'm really hungry, let's go!" I was lying. How could anyone be hungry stuffed with all that candy?

As we left the common room, I wondered why I was lying to my friend. Was I merely keeping my promise to James, or did I feel like I was betraying Severus?


	7. Potter Tries and Lupin Lies

I tried to eat as much as I could handle. No one needed to know why I wasn't hungry. Miraculously, I could see James ravenously cramming food into his mouth like there was no tomorrow. I marveled at his abilities. I knew for a fact that on the way back through the tunnel a mere hour ago, he had eaten a good pound or two of chocolate. Boys. Human garbage disposals. As if on cue, Lucius Malfoy shoved a drumstick into his mouth and tried to drink his pumpkin juice at the same time. Gross. I shook my head in disgust. And he was supposed to be a pureblood? With manners like that, he ought to be a bloody squib.

Strange, I'd never had anything against squibs before. I finally finished my plate and declined the treacle offered me by Severus. Claiming an excess of potions homework (another flat-out lie), I left the Great Hall and shuffled off towards Slytherin common room. Once I made sure the dorm was empty, I gathered the candy I had left strewn about my bed and tossed everything into my trunk, which I then locked tight. I made sure no wrapper or box was left in the open, lest a dorm-mate find it and raise unwanted inquiries.

I sifted through my bag for homework, then realized the only homework I had was probably in transfiguration, which I had skipped. Oops. I made a mental note to go see Professor McGonagall after breakfast tomorrow and clear things up. I had a headache? Stomachache? Maybe I was tired… allergies? What would she believe- damn! More bloody lies! When is it going to end?!

I sighed heavily and threw myself down on my back, arms folded behind my head. Staring up at the ceiling, I wondered whether Severus noticed my transparent excuses. I turned on my side and stared out the window as two other girls entered the dorm, laughing stridently at something known only to themselves. I stared out at the moon. A huge silver orb hanging, vibrant against the black sky. Even thousands of miles away, I could see seas and craters etched in its glowing surface. As I closed my eyes, drifting into an inexorable sleep, I heard the faintest sound under the cover of the giggles. A far away sound, like the howl of some lonely wolf…

* * *

Two weeks after the candy voyage, I found myself in the owlery with a letter in my hand and a barn owl on my shoulder. The letter had my mother's name on it. The owl was getting impatient. I sighed and after a few more minutes, I finally tied the letter to the owl's scaly leg and sent it off into the sky. The rising sun sparkled off the dew on the ground as I climbed out of the owlery.

I trudged across the grass to the castle. Breakfast had already started. I sat down across from Severus. Lily was sitting next to him again, earning her some nasty glances from Slytherins on all sides, which she chose to overlook as she laughed at something Severus had just said. Sev looked at me as I reached for a piece of toast.

"Good morning," he greeted me. "How are you doing?"

"Why do you ask?" I inquired nervously.

"You just… seemed a little out of it last night." Lily nodded behind him.

"Well, you don't have to worry," I assured him as I piled bacon onto my plate. "I'm fine, never been better!"

"Oh… OK." He didn't seem to believe me, but I let it go.

As the days, then the weeks, went on, I hid things more and more often. I didn't let Sev know when I snuck out at midnight to meet with James, who led me down a flight of stairs in the entrance hall into a huge corridor. He showed me a giant picture: a still life of a bowl of fruit. Then he reached up, _tickled the pear_, which _turned into a door handle_, and opened it like a door, a door that led straight into the kitchen. The huge room was full of House Elves, who were more than happy to pile food into our arms before we left. With our pockets stuffed, we snuck all the way back to our individual common rooms, stifling giggles after narrowly missing Mrs. Norris, Filch the Caretaker's mangy, evil cat, being pelted with chalk by Peeves, the poltergeist.

I also didn't tell him when I studied with James in the library at lunch after telling Sev I couldn't study with him because I needed to see Slughorn, or when James and I snuck up to the Astronomy Tower to begin our star charts, which were due the next morning. Yes, James and I seemed to be getting along lately, but Sev didn't know that. In fact, just that morning, Sev and I had run into James and his gang. The conversation went something like this:

"Potter." -Me.

"Fawkes." -His response.

"I see you've got all of your lackeys with you, as usual." Very convincing.

"And I see you've got your bitch with you." Ouch.

"At least he doesn't smell like wet dog, like yours." A-ha, I got him.

"True, but mine don't smell like the lake in summer." Very good.

"You know, I would suspect that your insults are just to distract from your poor Quidditch skills, Potter."

"Touché, but you're in no position to be criticizing _my_ skills, loser." He grinned his horrible cocky grin and raised his eyebrows. It would've annoyed the hell out of me last month, but now that I knew he didn't mean it, it didn't bug me at all.

"We'll see about that next match." I gave him my own haughty sneer.

"Why don't you just crawl back under your rock, Ssslytherin, I wouldn't want you melting in the sun." At this, Black's lip twitched, as if he wanted to join in the fight. Behind me, Sev was nearly vibrating; he was just itching to fight. This had to end soon.

So I gave. "Hmph." I turned up my nose, hugging my books to my chest, as I shoved past the four idiots, accidentally stepping on an unsuspecting Remus Lupin's left foot.

"Ow!" He yelped. I could have apologized, but I had to look mean in front of Sev, to keep my Slytherin rep. I strode down the hall, away from Lupin's muttered curses.

* * *

November 16, a week before the big match between Slytherin and Gryffindor, we were stuck practicing in the pouring rain. It was freezing out and dark. I was nearly frozen to my broomstick. Eighty feet in the air, I stopped my pursuit of the Snitch to warm my hands. I'd tried wearing gloves with fingers, but it was too hard to grip the handle. I inspected my exposed fingers. They were completely blue.

My breath came out in smoky clouds. About an hour into the session, I spotted the flash of gold. I sped toward it, narrowly avoiding both bludgers and a goalpost, before finally snatching the slippery ball out of the air. Lucius still made us practice for three more hellish hours before lunch, when we trudged into the Great hall still in our sopping Quidditch robes. Ignoring the stares and Gryffindor's laughing, we sat down, glaring at Lucius. The bastard made us practice all morning. We'd started right before breakfast.

I shook my head violently, spraying half of my fellow Slytherins with rain water, causing an uproar of "Ugh! Come _on_!" at which I merely laughed and grabbed the nearest drumstick. I glanced up. Just for a second, but it was enough to catch a glimpse of James Potter at the Gryffindor table. He was looking at me, no- _gazing_ at me. There was a vaguely dreamy expression on his face, but when I looked up to confirm what I had seen, he was joking around with Black. Had I imagined it?

* * *

It was time.

November 23. The day of the big match. It was still raining. I had stepped into the pitch mere seconds ago and I was already wringing out my robes. With the freezing rain pouring nearly parallel to the ground, I could barely see Lucius three feet away. How was I supposed to spot the Snitch?

"-lright, Slyther… ready to… those Gryff… whose boss… with me?" was all I heard Lucius Malfoy say, but I joined in the team war cry anyway. Three hours after lift-off, I hadn't seen a single other player or the Snitch. I was just starting to wonder if I had wandered off the pitch, when a bludger missed me by a hair's width.

At one point, about five hours into the grueling match, I heard that announcer girl, whose name I found out was Beatrice or Bellatrix or something like that. She was screaming something at Longbottom, and included a lot of profanity.

I wondered what our score was. If we were down by more than one hundred fifty points, I would have to hold off catching the Snitch until there was less of a margin. _Then again_, I thought selfishly, _the sooner I catch the damned thing, the sooner I can go back inside._ I shook the rain from my hair and the thought from my head. No. I wouldn't jeopardize my house's pride for warmth and comfort.

I stopped for a second to warm my hands and rub the water out of my eyes. I looked up in time to see James suddenly turn around and zip towards the ground. I immediately gripped my broom and darted after him. I saw him reaching out as the wind threw his wild hair back. The look on his face was determined and focused, and he didn't even seem to notice me coming up hard on his left side, perpendicular to him. As I approached him, I turned down and flew alongside him, straight toward the ground. Still, he didn't see me. It seemed strange that someone could see a gold super-ball whiz by him in the rain, but didn't notice a whole person two inches away.

As we neared impact, I began to look for the Snitch. Where was it? James seemed to see it, but it was no where in sight. What was he playing at? As soon as I wondered, I knew. By the time I had registered what was happening, James had pulled away, vertical to the ground. The Wrongski Feint. The oldest Seeker trick in the book. I screamed, but only for a second, because then I slammed into the mud.

Had the ground been hard, I would probably have died instantly. As it was, the ground was just soft enough that I was still alive, and conscious. I heard the crowd vocalize fear and surprise. Slytherins cursed and Gryffindors cheered. How mean! How could you cheer against a dead person? For surely that's what they all thought. The announcer began screaming. "DAMN IT POTTER! YOU CAD! YOU TWIT! YOU'VE KILLED OUR SEEKER! I'LL THROW YOU INTO THE LAKE, I WILL! I SWEAR I WILL! I'LL KILL YOU! CHEATER! CHEAT-" At this point, I suppose McGonagall had stopped her. I suddenly felt a warm hand on my face. Opening my rain-filled eyes, I saw who it was. Blurry, but still there… James?

"Sylistia! Oh my God! You were supposed to pull up, stupid!" _Stupid? Did that jerk just call me stupid? I should punch him!_ Unfortunately, I couldn't move at all. Oh, no. Was my neck broken?! I was freaking out. What was I going to do? _Damn you, Potter. I… I trusted you._ Nevertheless, he caressed my face. Why? He nearly killed me. "Come on, Sylistia!" He yelled. "No, don't go to sleep!" _But I'm so tired…_

"Sylistia!" That was Sev. I tried to open my eyes again, but they burned so bad. I could feel myself surrounded by people, now. I finally opened my eyes in time to see Severus shove James onto he ground. He knelt beside me as James spat out mud. He put a hand on my face. It was cold, but somehow it was gentler than James's. His breath was frenzied in my ear. His hands were shaking as he ran his fingers across my face, sweeping my hair out of my eyes. James sat up.

"What was that for, Snivellus?" He growled.

"You nearly killed her, Potter! Go away!" Sev sounded on the verge of tears.

"I didn't mean to, half-wit! I thought she'd pull up! She always did before!"

"She didn't see a Snitch, idiot! She was looking for it and didn't see you pull out!"

"Why don't you go rub more grease in you hair!"

"Why don't you go tangle yours up some more?"

"Slink away, Snivelly!"

"Piss off, Potter!"

"STOP!" I don't even know where I got the strength to shout, but it did the trick. Both boys stopped fighting. James sank into the crowd as the teachers moved in. Slughorn was huffing and puffing.

"Everyone, move back, she needs air!" He bent down to look at me. "Miss Fawkes, are you alright? Is anything broken?" He seemed very worried. I just grinned, but I don't think he was convinced. He pulled Severus roughly away by the back of his robes. "Move along, Severus, she'll be fine." He didn't sound very sure, though. Reluctantly, Sev turned away, but not before throwing me a solicitous look over his shoulder.

* * *

It was easy to get over the loss, especially since they had to call off the match. James refused to catch the Snitch while I was incapacitated. I spent the night in the hospital wing with a broken arm, listening to Madame Pomfrey rant on and on about safety and poor choice of hobby. The next morning I walked down to breakfast early, before anyone else, ate, and walked out onto the grounds just as a gaggle of Hufflepuff girls came in to the Great Hall. They looked at me with a look I couldn't, and still can't, describe accurately. It was almost one of pity or sympathy, yet awe and respect at the same time. Sort of how you'd feel seeing a war Veteran with no legs. You pity his loss and his sacrifice, but you look up to him like a hero.

Anyway, I slinked out of the castle and walked down to the lake. The sun hadn't quite risen yet, but the sky was a dull slate color and the horizon was white-yellow. I peered at the Forbidden Forest, a black silhouette against the lightening sky. It looked more frightening than it did at midday. I walked along the lakeshore until I reached the pier. I sat on the edge and removed my shoes and socks, which were covered in mud from yesterday.

I dangled my feet in the water and watched my reflection. As the Slate turned periwinkle behind (or above) my head, I heard a distant noise. Someone yelled "Ow!" as they tripped. At first, naturally, I looked toward the castle. I heard the same person curse violently and turned toward the forest. There, not thirty feet from me, was someone - a student - slinking out of the forest. Curious, I stood up and moved closer, standing behind a wide oak tree. I could have sworn I'd seen him before. Presently, he was covered in mud and seemed to have blood on his hands and face. His hair was matted and stuck out at odd places. His robes looked like they had been pulled on lazily and were ripped and dirty. There were dark shadows under his vacant eyes and there was a huge bruise on his left cheek. It was a big, dark bruise and was curved, like a crescent moon. His shoes were gone and he was walking as if horribly injured, holding himself like he had a broken rib. Quite frankly, he looked as if he'd just fought a troll single-handedly.

I would have gone to see if he was OK, but I was so shocked, I didn't move. He stumbled toward the castle, wincing at every step. As he approached the castle, I noticed someone waiting for him at the doors, looking around warily. It was Dumbledore, and he had a fine, silvery cloth in his hand, which he threw over the boy when he got to the doors. The boy disappeared behind the cloth, completely invisible. Dumbledore looked around again and led the invisible boy hurriedly into the castle.

It was honestly one of the strangest events I'd ever witnessed. I sat by the lake for a couple hours, mulling it over. Eventually the bell rang and I slipped my shoes on and trudged off to class. I was late, because I was nearly there when I realized I hadn't gotten redressed. I ran back to the common room, got dressed, retrieved my bag (with the wrong books in it) and got to class about twenty minutes after it had started.

Professor Flitwick turned with an annoyed look on his face when I entered loudly, slamming the door and gasping, but as soon as he realized it was me, he smiled. "Ah, Miss Fawkes! Doing well, I hope, please - have a seat! We were just beginning Chapter Eight: Emotion Charms!"

I sat down, slightly embarrassed, and proceeded to tune in and out as Flitwick went over charms that made you laugh and spells that calmed you down. Finally, class was over, and I swept from the room as fast as I could, before anyone could console me. I didn't need everyone treating me like a child! Just 'cause I was in a few accidents doesn't mean I can't take care of myself!

"Sylistia!" A solicitous voice rang out behind me as I turned toward the dungeons. I was taking the long way to Potions. Knowing Slughorn, I'd be smothered in good wishes as soon as I got there. I spun around, expecting to see Severus, but it was James catching up to me, breathless. He was alone. "H-hey, Sylistia. I-I wanted to say I'm sorry. Y'know, for getting you hurt. I was… an absolute git." He grinned apologetically.

"I notice your little friends aren't with you, Potter," I said, brushing him off. For a moment, he looked confused, then he spoke up again.

"I didn't want them to… I wanted to talk to you… alone."

I pondered that for a moment, then turned away and continued to Potions. "Good day, Potter."

"Wait!" I stopped, but didn't turn around.

"What do you want, Potter?" I sighed exasperatedly.

"Will you… er… I mean… that is… um…"

"Spit it out, Potter!" I spun around angrily. This idiot was wasting my time.

"Will you go out with me?" He said quickly, straightening up. He bit his lip nervously. I hated to be rude, but there was no way I could go out with that- that git! But I also couldn't say no. So I improvised. I bought time.

"Er… I don't know yet." And I hurried off to Potions as fast as I could. I hated to leave him hanging, but I couldn't bring myself to answer him.

* * *

I sat down in the back, next to Severus. He smiled at me, and seemed about to say something, but was cut short by Slughorn, starting the lesson. We didn't make potions, we took notes. I was writing down a paragraph about Felix Felicis, the good luck potion, when something touched my arm. I looked over. Severus was engulfed in his work, but a piece of folded paper lay on my desk by my elbow.

Watching the teacher carefully, I unfolded it. In his feminine handwriting, Severus had written:

**_What did he want?_**

I looked over to Severus, who was putting all his focus into ignoring me. Confused, I wrote back:

_**Huh? Who?**_

I glanced at Slughorn, then jammed the note under Severus's arm, making him scratch a huge line across his writing. He opened the note, then scrawled a reply and tossed it back. I read:

_**Potter. Duh. I saw him follow you.**_

I wrote back:

__

**Oh. Nothing. He was apologizing for making me crash. Git.**

Severus glanced at me with a look that said, "yeah, right." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I ignored him, concentrating on my work. Finally, class ended. I waited for Severus, who joined me, along with Lily Evans. "Hey, Lily." I smiled.

"Hey, Syl. How are you?" She glanced at me, as if to see if I was well.

"Fine. Just a bit sore. You?"

"Alright. Bit tired, though. Amelia Bones kept me up all night talking about Sirius Black. He's not that great, though." She snorted. "In fact, I heard he's… you know."

"No, what?" I looked up at her. Sev rolled his eyes.

"Y'know… He's… not the 'girl type'." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. I was still blank.

"Homosexual, Syl." Severus clarified.

"Oh, Oh!" I exclaimed, finally comprehending. "I'd no idea! That's why he has such nice hair!" Lily laughed.

"I know, seriously!" We giggled about it all the way to lunch, Sev rolling his eyes all the while. Lily sat at the Slytherin table again. The Slytherins seemed to be adjusting to her. No longer did they glare and whisper. Some of them even greeted her like one of their own.

I was about halfway done with my sandwich when I heard something whiz towards us. I turned to see a bowl of tomato soup, minus the bowl, hit Severus in the back of his head, covering him in the thick, pinkish liquid. Livid, he jumped up and spun around, tugging his wand out of his book bag.

"Ah, don't be mad, Snivellus!" Black said, holding a wand in one hand and an empty bowl in the other. "It's just to help with the smell!" Potter and Pettigrew joined in his laughter, while Remus Lupin merely shook his head and sipped his pumpkin juice. I noticed the bruise on his face and realized he was the one I'd seen in the forest that morning. My thoughts were interrupted, however, when Lily picked up a tuna salad sandwich and hurled it at Black. The whitish, smelly slop covered his head and shoulders, and the Slytherin table erupted in hyena-like laughter, starting up a chant of "Evans, Evans, Evans!"

Encouraged, Lily picked up a handful of mashed potato and grinned at Black, who looked at her, shocked and angry. "You traitor, Evans! We're your house!" He picked up an egg salad sandwich and chucked it at her. It missed, hitting Alecto Carrow, who jumped up onto the table, red with anger, and threw a bowl of soup at Black. Of course it hit Pettigrew, who flung a P,B,&J at her, which was deflected by Amycus Carrow's Shield charm. Lily pitched her handful of potatoes at Potter, who threw a salami sandwich at her, which hit Lucius Malfoy, who stood up on the table, levitated a bowl of peas, and finally shouted the magic words.

"FOOD FIGHT!!" The peas flew like bullets toward the Gryffindor table, sending first years dashing under the table to hide. Severus threw a handful of spaghetti-and-meatballs, which missed Potter, his intended target, and hit Lupin, who cried out and hid behind Black, who had an armful of biscuits he was shooting at Slytherins.

Heeding the words, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw joined in with war cries, pitching food at everyone. Mostly, it was Slytherin versus the other three, but some joined in against Gryffindor. The Great Hall was a battlefield of flying rolls, gravy, sandwiches, and creamed corn. Like a phalanx, houses began to converge in hand-to-hand combat. Lupin, finally accepting the inevitable fact that he wouldn't get out of the Hall without a fight, dumped a pitcher of pumpkin juice over Severus's head, who gasped, whirled around, and overturned a bowl of spaghetti sauce over Lupin. The two completely disregarded the food-fighting and jumped on each other, tumbling to the floor in a knot of arms and legs, rolling around under others, who tripped over the grappling boys.

No one could really say how it happened, but somehow, one sandwich found it's its way to the Head Table, landing perfectly on Dumbledore's pointy hat. Although there wasn't much noise or movement about it, it instigated an immediate hush over the room. Most of the teachers had already left the table and run into the battle, trying hopelessly to stop it. Now, finally, slowly, Dumbledore stood up, ignoring the tomato glued to his head with mayonnaise. He cleared his throat, and everyone drew back warily, gasping. One first year in Hufflepuff burst into tears, dropping his ladleful of chicken-noodle soup and rubbing applesauce out of his hair.

Dumbledore peeled a slice of mayonnaise-coated bologna off of his robes and flung it away indifferently. The pink circle hit Professor McGonagall's shoulder. At first, she seemed shocked, then angry - glaring at the students. Then she looked at Dumbledore, and a smile cracked over her face. She chuckled quietly. Dumbledore chuckled back, shrugging. The entire room burst into laughter as Dumbledore grinned broadly and waved his wand over the Hall. Instantly, the mess was gone. Students began filing out of the room to go to class.

In the entrance hall, Severus caught up to Lily and me, grinning. His lip was bloodied and he had a huge shiner on his eye, but he triumphantly held up his fist, which clutched a handful of brown hair. "I got that ass! He hits hard, but he cries like a baby when you rip out his hair!" I turned toward the Hall entrance. Lupin approached Potter, rubbing his head gingerly and grimacing in pain. James pointed at him and burst out laughing, clutching his sides as tears ran down his face.

"Ah, shove it, Potter!" Lupin elbowed James aside and marched off angrily down the hall. Potter jogged after him, Black and Pettigrew in tow. I snickered and turned back to Sev and Lily, Who stifled their laughter until we reached the stairs. Then we exploded with loud hoots and cackles as we made our way to Transfigurations.

* * *

I parted with Lily and Sev after Transfigurations and went to Ancient Runes. I sat down in my seat, which was assigned in this class, at the back. I pulled out my text book, and when I sat up, I noticed Lupin sat next to me. I'd never noticed him before, but he was hard to miss with that bruise and the tuft of hair sticking out on one side of his head. He looked sullen and angry as he flipped violently through his book, ripping a page out in the process. Livid, he balled it up and lobbed it at the ceiling, fury twisting his face. The ball hit the ceiling and fell back down, bouncing off Lupin's head. He slouched in his seat and massaged his scalp, which was probably raw.

I felt for him. Poor guy. He never started anything; he was just having a very bad day. I reached down and scooped up the paper wad from where it had rolled to the other side of my desk. I flattened it out and wordlessly slipped Lupin's book off his desk. He glanced at me inquisitively, but did nothing. I laid the book flat and held the page in place. I ran my wand along the middle if the book and muttered, "_Reparo."_ The page sealed back into the book seamlessly. I handed it back to Lupin, who nodded appreciatively, but didn't speak.

"I'm sorry." I looked away.

"Er… for what?" Lupin queried, looking at me. "I don't even know you."

"Severus is my friend." Answering his curious expression, I added, "The one who pulled your hair at lunch." He gave me a look of dawning comprehension.

"Oh. Him. 'Snivellus'?"

"That's not his name, git!" I snapped. He started.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't know! That's what James and Sirius call him, so I just assumed…"

"It's OK." I sighed. "His name is Severus Snape, and your friends are callous miscreants through and through."

"Yeah, they can be pretty awful sometimes." He sighed heavily. He brushed his hair down with his fingers, but it wouldn't stay flat. He exhaled irritably.

"How'd that happen?" I asked, pointing at his face.

"I, er… fell down." Yeah, right. I refrained from asking further. If he wanted me to know he'd tell me. I thought about it for a while. Even as I tried to sleep that night, it haunted me, floating in the back of my brain. I fell asleep wondering what made a bruise that shape.


	8. That's Why They Call it Forbidden

December was cold and damp. Right before Christmas, homework was Hell. Everything the teachers thought they'd have time for was now crammed three-lessons-in-one. On the twentieth, Lily packed up to leave. She'd go back home for Christmas, to be with her loving family. Sev and I, unwanted, would remain at Hogwarts.

The next morning we walked Lily through the thick snow to the coach that would carry her to the Hogwarts Express. She hugged us both warmly and waved as she climbed into the horseless coach, rubbing her blue-mittened hands together for warmth.

In the coach behind her, James Potter and Sirius Black wrestled over a small tree branch which the current possessor would whip the other with. I rolled my eyes. Pettigrew waved them off enthusiastically, with cries of: "Happy Christmas, James! See you in January, Sirius!" while Lupin sulked, arms folded, looking pale and very ill.

He reluctantly waved when Sirius jokingly blew him a kiss. Lupin made a disgusted face and shook his head, stomping his feet for warmth. As the coaches disappeared, James slammed Sirius in the back with the branch, soliciting a howl of pain and a punch in the shoulder in return.

Severus and I turned and strode off toward the castle silently. I heard someone whispering behind us and glanced over my shoulder. Peter Pettigrew was whispering fiercely to Lupin, who was shaking his head dismissively. I heard their voices as the wind shifted.

"…telling you, Remus… deserves it for… ling your hair! It's not like… going to break… bones or anything!" I glanced again and saw Pettigrew reach down and pick up a lump of snow. He packed it into a hard ball and handed it to a reluctant and obviously disapproving Lupin, who glanced nervously at us. I sighed and moved an inch or two away from Sev. I tripped suddenly and Sev helped me up, not noticing my fistful of snow. I packed it tight.

There was a whoosh as the ball flew and a muffled thump as it smacked into Sev's head, sending him down. Immediately, my own snowball was loosed, smashing into Lupin's shocked, pale face. He went sprawling, landing in a deep snow bank. Sev stood up angrily and whirled around.

"Why do you damn Gryffindors always attack from behind? Some courage and justice!" He stalked toward Lupin, drawing his wand like a sword and aiming at Lupin's frightened face.

"Wait!" He spun around and looked at me.

"What?" He asked impatiently.

"It was him!" I pointed at Pettigrew. "That little weasel told him to!" Sev turned toward Pettigrew. I drew my wand and followed, unsure if I really wanted a fight. Sev muttered under his breath.

"_Locomotor Mortis!_" Peter's body was lifted into the air, as if by a very tall bully. His beady eyes darted from Sev, to me, to Lupin.

"H-hey, guys! W-we were just messing around!" He grinned, but it didn't mask his fear at all.

"Not so tough without Potter and Black to protect you, eh, Pettigrew?" I sneered. Lupin righted himself, brushing snow from his clothes. Under his cloak, he wore jeans, and they were soaked from falling in the bank. He shook, paling more. He opened his mouth and raised a hand, as if to stop us, but was silent. Pettigrew glared at him.

"For God's sake, Remus! Help me out here!" He pleaded frantically. Lupin shook his head, gaping wordlessly up at Pettigrew. What could he do? Nothing. Nevertheless, he drew his wand shakily. He pointed it from me to Severus and back again, mouthing nonsense. He finally spat out a spell, sending a white-hot splinter of light at me, which grazed my face. As it passed, Severus sent a Stinging Hex at Lupin, hitting his wand hand.

"Ouch!" Lupin dropped his wand, clutching his hand as an angry weal formed, bright red on his white skin. He put his mouth on the sting and winced. "Mmmph!" A single tear escaped his eye and he glared angrily at… me? He pulled away from the welt, where he'd left deep indentations from his teeth. "Don't bother apologizing this time, Fawkes!" He took a shaky breath as angry tears rolled down his face. "I hate you Slytherins! You all suck!" He turned and stormed back to the castle, cradling his hand.

Sev flicked his wand, allowing Pettigrew to crash to the ground. The small boy leapt to his feet and grabbed Lupin's abandoned wand, then chased after him, glancing warily over his shoulders, as if expecting us to follow.

* * *

Guilt pursued me for the next few days. Every time I passed Lupin in the corridors or saw him in the Great Hall, he looked utterly defeated. Any time he noticed me, he donned a look of anger and avoided me, even if I tried to apologize.

Finally, I gave up. _If he doesn't want me to say sorry, then I don't want to be sorry. He's just a bloody Gryffindor, anyway. _I decided I'd just avoid him, too.

December twenty-fourth was horrible. Snow fell in drifts, nearly blocking the castle doors. No one went outside anyway, so it really didn't matter. Even inside, students wore heavy coats and mittens to keep warm.

Without Lily, Sev and I didn't say much. She had been the one initiating all the conversations. After lunch, in the common room, I tried to strike one up.

"Sure is cold, huh?" I asked casually.

"Uh-huh." He kept right on reading his damn Potions book.

"Glad we're inside."

"Yeah."

His disinterest aggravated me. There was a long silence. I had to get his attention. "He wanted to go out with me," I said offhandedly. I assumed an air of indifference, as if it were an everyday occurrence.

"What?" Severus snapped his head up, looking slightly offended. I immediately regretted my choice of topic. This conversation would be more awkward than the silence I now wished was back.

"I, er… Potter. When he caught me after class. He wasn't just apologizing. He was asking me… out." I grimaced, waiting for his reaction.

"What did you say?" He sounded nonchalant, but his eyebrows lowered moodily.

"I said no!" I said quickly, which was of course a slight fib. I'd really said I'd think about it. Which meant I had to answer or he'd ask until I agreed.

"Oh, alright, then." He turned back to his book, sullen. He didn't look convinced at all. I stood up. It was nearly dinner. I sighed.

"I'm going to take a walk. I'll see you at dinner, OK?" I glanced back at him.

"Yeah, whatever." He seemed cold. Had I hurt his feelings bringing up Potter?

* * *

I wandered around until I found my way to the entrance hall. I'd found that if I moseyed about aimlessly, I usually found my destination, whereas if I tried to get anywhere, I usually got lost.

I felt so depressed. About hurting Remus Lupin, about disturbing Severus, about everything. All that was wrong in the world seemed to be my fault. Well, partly You-Know-Who's, but mostly my fault. I had no friends aside from Lily and Sev, and I hadn't received so much as a "hullo" from mum and dad. Tomorrow, I knew, I would wake up to a normal day. No presents, no friends, no life.

As I walked toward the stairs, thinking nothing could make me feel worse, a gaggle of second-year Hufflepuffs rounded the corner. Their common room must be near the kitchens. I slid into an alcove next to a suit of armor, hoping not to be noticed. I heard their giggles float down the hall as they gossiped. It was a few moments before I could make out their words, and realized they were talking… about me.

"…know, and she's always with that slimy Snape boy." A blonde, slightly pudgy girl scoffed.

"Oh, I _hate_ him," a tall, bespectacled brunette sneered. "He has dirty, greasy hair, and all his robes are gross. He looks like a Vampire with cancer!"

I felt anger boiling in me as a third girl, very thin, with light brown curls and lots of freckles, wrinkled her nose and laughed. She piped up, "Oh, but _she's_ just as bad!"

"I know," ridiculed the first girl, shaking her head. "Always getting hurt in Quidditch. Attention-grabber, much?"

"Dr-_a_-ma queeeeen!" Sang skinny. I clenched my fists.

"You know what I heard?" Four-eyes whispered.

"No, what?" Skinny's eyes widened. She and Pudgy leaned in expectantly, stopping right in front of my hiding spot.

"I heard James Potter asked her out, and she said yes!" The other two gasped and shrieked scandalously. "_But_…" She paused for effect. "She's already going out with Snape!"

"Ew!" -Pudgy.

"Slut!" -Skinny.

I burst into tears and leapt from my niche. I pointed accusingly at the girls, who were shocked at my sudden appearance. Pudgy actually screamed and dropped her bag.

"You horrible, horrible rumormongers!" I screamed, vision blurred. "I'm not going out with anyone! Least of all Snape! And he's not gross! He's kind and thoughtful! And James is a git! I rejected him! I'm not a slut, and you, you… _brutes, _you _fiends_ have no idea what you're talking about!" Livid, I spun around and tore toward the doors. Screw curfew! I was leaving. I didn't even wait for the girls to say anything. I wouldn't stay in this horrible place any longer. I would leave right through the Forbidden Forest. _And so what if I die? _I thought furiously. _No one will care! No one! And my life already sucks!_

I shoved the heavy left-hand door open. A gust of freezing wind slammed me, blowing piles of snow into the castle. I was only wearing jeans and a sweater, but I didn't care. I would die faster this way. They wouldn't be able to make me come back. I trudged off into the blizzard, ignoring the spiteful bitches who were now calling me back. I ran, disregarding the cold. It took forever, but I finally reached the forest. I saw the gamekeeper's cabin, a wisp of smoke roiling up into the gray sky. The windows were filled with warm, inviting firelight. I longed to go back to warmth, but I couldn't bear to stay in this distressing place.

I glanced back at the castle, invisible save for the open doors, where a group of lantern-wielding teachers had gathered, coming to find me. Refusing to get dragged back, I plunged into the forest.

Immediately, the snow was less overwhelming. As I voyaged deeper into the dark trees, The snow and wind became little more than a memory. The ground was frozen, but dark and snow-free. The trees were so dense, no light shone through the canopy, although it was probably nearing dusk anyway. It became harder and harder to hike through the close-set trunks and I was starting to feel the cold. I became breathless, the fog emitted from my mouth growing thinner and thinner.

My fingers, ungloved, were numb, and the cuticles of my nails were purple. My face and eyes stung with cold, and my teeth chattered uncontrollably. I wanted to lay down and sleep right there, but something, perhaps my passion, kept me walking, although I couldn't feel my legs. Jeans are not good snow pants.

About the point I could no longer see my hand in front of my face, I heard a small scuffling sound to my left. Assuming it was a rat or a badger, I ignored it, proceeding without slowing down. A few minutes later, however, a twig snapped in front of me. I slowed slightly, peering into the impenetrable darkness. No rat was that heavy.

I took a shaky breath and continued cautiously. More noises followed me, triggering unease. I swallowed painfully. My throat was raw. Another twig snapped; I caught my breath. I spun full circle, hyperventilating. I tried to make something out in the empty dark, but there was nothing. So I held my breath, listening intently to the woods around me.

After ten long minutes of agonizing silence, I sighed, relaxing. Before I could react, a huge creature bounded through the trees toward me, snapping and growling. I knew it was a bear. A huge one. Down on all fours, it was roughly four feet high, almost as tall as me. Of course, I couldn't see it, but when it barreled into my stomach, I felt its size.

The wind was knocked from me as I was thrown several feet into a tree. I hit the ground on my hands and knees and pushed myself up, kicking off into a sprint.

I ran blindly through the compressing blackness, hurdling over bushes, roots, and fallen trees. The bear was right on my heels. Literally. Hot, damp breath clung to my skin. The razor sharp teeth snapped shut, grazing my calf. My jeans were torn and I felt a small trickle of blood on my leg. I cried as I ran, then screamed. I cried out for help until I thought my tongue would bleed.

The trees were beginning to thin out. I could see plants and the ground. What little light was left in the sky was filtered through the leaves. Moments later, I saw the faintest orange spot bobbing up and down about fifty meters away. I screamed for help, reaching out one hand as if to grasp the person holding the lantern. I vaulted over a fallen tree, but the ground was broken and uneven on the other side. My foot slipped in an icy dip and I pitched forward into the thin layer of snow. The bear soared over me, unable to predict my sudden drop. It skidded and wheeled around, careening toward me.

I shoved against the ground, looked up. I rolled to one side as the animal pounced. I tried to run, but its teeth clamped down on the edge of the leg of my jeans. I fell on my face again. I clawed at the hard, cold ground, shredding my nails like dead leaves. Blood stained the snow, but all I cared about was my life. I completely overlooked the excruciating pain shooting up my arms. Especially when the monster bit down hard on the crook of my leg, right behind my knee.

I shrieked as I felt my knee split apart. Hot, sticky blood gushed from the wound. The animal released me, and I pulled myself forward a few inches, sobbing hysterically. I glanced over my shoulder for an instant. It was no bear attacking me. It was a _huge_ wolf.

It was a gray wolf, very ragged and thin. It's muzzle was lacerated. It had been in a fight already. It had blue-gray eyes that almost had soul. They were human eyes. But they weren't human teeth it bared maliciously, right before it pounced.

It landed on my back. It weight more than a full-grown man, and I felt my ribs crack. I howled as it dug its four-inch claws into my back, drawing fresh blood. My scream turned into a gurgle as blood filled my lungs. The wolf scratched me repeatedly, as if trying to dig through me into the ground. My voice was nonexistent. My screeching was in vain. The lantern was bobbing toward me, but was too far away. I'd be dead when they got here.

But the strides were longer than normal, and the lantern approached swiftly. A loud, crude voice rose up, shouting furiously at the wolf, which hesitated, lifting a paw as if to dash away. The newcomer raised an arm and swung at the beast, which yelped frantically as it dodged the gargantuan double-axe. The wolf bounded off into the trees, whimpering and howling.

I couldn't see my savior. My own blood filled my eyes. He said nothing, but knelt down, placing the lantern on the ground, and lifted my listless body off the ground with exceeding tenderness. The arms I was cradled in were enormous. Who was this person? I tried to open my eyes, but the muscles in my eyelids were too tired. The giant man lumbered back toward the castle, taking steps five times the length of a normal person.

The big man said things to me, to comfort me and keep me conscious, but they were muddled nothings to me. I was faintly aware of warmth as I was carried into the castle, and of frantic voices as I was carried up the stairs. I heard the awed voices of students, asking pointless questions the teachers refused to answer. I was afraid of the gasps and squeaks. They meant I looked horrible. Finally, I let my mind go, and drifted into a black sleep.

* * *

It was like the hangover from Hell. Every sound was amplified a hundredfold. I tried to open my eyes, and the dim candle light blinded me. I groaned. My body was stiff, wrapped in bandages, even my raw fingers. The pain was dull, but was still there. I felt drugged; I probably was. Only a powerful potion could stultify that much pain.

Finally, I forced my eyes open a mite, taking in the room around me. I wasn't in the Hospital Wing. The room was darker and the walls were made of wood, not stone. Also, there were no windows. All the light came from the ceiling, where floated a cluster of bubbles with candles in them. I wasn't even in the castle. I turned my head, looking to my right. I blinked, adjusting my eyes to the light.

My curtain was partially drawn, covering the left side of my bed. I lifted a heavy arm and pulled it a few inches. To my left was another bed, curtains drawn all the way around. I saw the silhouette of a person sitting up, eating off of a bed-tray.

"H-hello?" I called, but my voice was almost completely silent. I tried again. "Hello? W-where am I?" The other patient started. They tore back the curtain and peered at me. It was a swarthy man with chin-length curly black hair. Despite his dark hair and skin, his eyes were white-gray. He stood and limped over to me. He'd obviously been attacked by something. He was covered in red-purple crescent bruises and his arm was in a sling. His chest was bare, and it was wrapped in cleaned white bandages.

"What?" He cocked his head to hear my whispery voice.

"Where am I?" I grimaced as I pulled the curtain farther and pain shot through my arm.

"St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies. First floor - Creature-induced injuries. What got you?" He sat down in a chair gingerly.

"What? I-I don't know… It was dark. It was big. What about you?" I glanced up at him.

"Hippogriff. I'm a breeder and trainer, so I'm in here a lot." He nodded at his bed. "That bed is reserved for me, heh."

"What's a h-hippogriff?"

"Oh, never seen one? You should. Fascinating, really. Part eagle, part lion, and part horse. Majestic, extremely intelligent, but terribly violent. Never disrespect one, whatever you do!" He chuckled lightheartedly.

"I was raised a Muggle. I've never heard of Saint Mungus-"

"-Mungo's." He smiled. "That's OK. The Healers here are great. They'll take care of you." He looked at me and flinched. "You're pretty beat up."

"I was chased through the Forbidden Forest. I almost made it out, but…" I trailed off.

"Forbidden Forest, eh? You go to Hogwarts? What year?"

"First year. I'm in Slytherin. I don't belong there, though. I don't belong anywhere." I looked down at my hands, in their bloody gauze.

"Sure you do. That old hat may be corky, but he's never wrong. And there's nothing wrong with Slytherin." He laughed. "I mean, _I_ am a Hufflepuff!" He snickered. I smiled. He made it easier. I wanted to know what happened, but I was in the dark.

The door opened, and a few people walked in. The first was a woman in lime green robes with a name-tag: Sylvia Derwent. In her stead were Professor McGonagall and a round, flustered man in a lime green bowler hat. Upon entering, the man removed his hat, inclining his head to me. I nodded in return. McGonagall strode to me, waving her wand and causing extra chairs to appear. She and the portly hat-man sat down. The dark man nodded respectfully at them and returned to his bed, drawing his curtains to allow us privacy.

McGonagall pursed her lips grimly and smoothed out her dress. "Miss Fawkes, how are you feeling?"

"Alright. How long have I been…?"

"Three days." She looked grim. I glanced curiously at the man, who was fidgeting with a black attaché case. "Oh, Miss Fawkes, this is Mr. Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic. He wanted to speak with you."

The man smiled kindly. "How do you do?" He opened the case and pulled out a stack of parchment. I studied them as he clipped them to a clipboard and handed them to me, along with a fountain pen. I accepted them gingerly, careful not to hurt my fingers. I looked up at him uncertainly. "If you please, Miss Fawkes, I will need you to fill out sign these papers, official Ministry business, most important."

I looked at the stack. It was like a contract or an application. There was even fine print at the bottom. I looked up, paling. "What, er… what is this? Am I in trouble? Are you expelling me?" My eyes stung with tears. I knew from the start I wasn't going to make it.

"No! Er… actually. Well, just a formality, I-" McGonagall cut him off.

"-Wait, Miss Fawkes. You don't have to fill it out yet. Not until you get an explanation. We'll go back to the school as soon as you're checked out and explain everything. Mr. Fudge will accompany us," she assured me gently, then cast a curt glance at the Minister, who looked nervous, then nodded.

"Of course, Miss Fawkes. You deserve an explanation, after all."

The Healer checked me and gave me a scalding, nasty potion, dark blue in color. She wrote a few things on her chart and nodded. "I'll get you checked out, Miss. Could you sign here?" She held up the form, keeping a hand firmly over the line headed: nature of injury. I shakily signed my name in sloppy cursive, wincing slightly.

She took the board away, then returned a moment later with a wheelchair. She and Fudge helped me into it. I yelped as my injured knee was bent. The Healer steered my chair, leading us to a large waiting room. Patients and family of patients sat reading things like _The Quibbler _and _Witch Weekly_. The latter's front page bore a picture of a harried-looking woman standing in a cluttered room under a color shifting title reading: **Space-Savers! Newly invented Enlargement Charm makes storing a breeze!**

We stopped before a large fireplace, about seven feet tall and five feet wide. The Healer reached up on the mantle and pulled a little jar down. She lifted the lid, revealing sparkling green powder. She took a pinch of it an flicked it into the fire, which erupted into emerald-green flames.

Mr. Fudge tipped his hat to the Healer and stepped into the flames, shouting, "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Headmaster's Office!" clearly into the chimney. He spun around, disappearing.

McGonagall rolled me forward. Before I could protest, we were in the fire, surrounded by green flames. They were temperate to the touch, not hot or cold. I choked a little on the smoke, though, coughing into my hand, as McGonagall repeating Fudge's words. We spun around and dropped through the air. It was like falling through a tunnel, with windows on all sides, whizzing past at a breakneck speed. The windows, I realized, were fireplaces, leading to an unnumbered amount of destinations.

Finally, we touched down in a smaller inglenook, filled with soot. McGonagall wheeled me out into a round room, which I recognized as Dumbledore's office. She turned me toward the desk, lining me up with several other chairs, occupied by the other three heads of house and Mr. Fudge. Dumbledore sat behind the desk, fingertips together, looking grim.

A knock on the door startled the silent group. Prof. McGonagall answered it. Madame Pomfrey shuffled in, leading Remus Lupin, who had a bandage over the bridge of his nose. He looked very beat-up and tired. The two sat down. Seconds later a man came in, ducking through the doorway. It was the man who had saved me, who I now realized was also the man who had led the other first years and myself across the lake to the school the first night. His face was partially hidden behind a bushy beard, and he donned a large, tattered moleskin coat with lots of pockets. He nodded at Dumbledore and sat down, eliciting a loud, ominous creak from the chair. Dumbledore cleared his throat as soon as the door clicked shut.

"Well. We're all present, now, so there's no reason to dally." He nodded to me. "Miss Fawkes wandered into the Forbidden Forest and was brutally attacked. We are here to cover all the facts and details of the incident and to help Miss Fawkes with any distress caused by it." He gestured to me. "Miss Fawkes, why don't you start with why you left the school without permission?"

Nervous, I glanced at everyone, looking intently at me. I took a deep breath. "Er… some Hufflepuff girls were gossiping about my friend… and me. I got upset and ran away. I guess I was just… overwhelmed. I'm not very popular and I hang out with Severus Snape, and people don't like him either. I thought I could escape the school through the forest. I got in really deep, and then I heard… it. Following me." I got lightheaded, like I was dreaming. I felt about to float out of my body as I remembered the fear. "Th-then it jumped out and hit me. I-I… ran. It, er… caught me…" I trailed off, not too keen on saying anything more. Remus Lupin's eyes were watering. He seemed very upset. I felt my own eyes sting. I tried to conceive why he was here, but had absolutely no idea.

Dumbledore turned to the large man. "Sylistia, this is Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper at Hogwarts. He rescued you and witnessed some of the attack." Hagrid nodded, looking sad. Why was everyone so gloomy?

"What's wrong with you all?" I burst out. "You look like you're at a funeral! I'll be OK!" Dumbledore hung his head and Lupin hiccupped, a few tears escaping. "I… I am going to be OK. Right?"

No answer.

Lupin burst into tears, and I nearly followed him. My vision blurred and ice flooded my veins. Madame Pomfrey cradled Lupin. I stood up, ignoring the racking pain in my leg, and stared at Dumbledore. McGonagall moved to stop me, but Dumbledore raised a hand dismissively. I leaned forward, hands on Dumbledore's desk. My fingers were bleeding again. I'd been clenching my fists subconsciously. Dark red stained the polished wood as I stared intensely into the Headmaster's piercing blue eyes.

"Professor. What-is-wrong-with-me?" I demanded in a measured voice. Tears slid down my cheek.

"It was me, Fawkes!" I snapped my head around, facing Lupin, who was now standing, fists clenched. He was sobbing. "I-I'm a W-w-werewolf! It was me who attacked you! I-I'm s-s-so, so sorry!" He fell to his hands and knees, as if bowing to me. He bawled uncontrollably. I stared, shocked.

"What?" I suddenly lost all feeling in my legs and toppled over. Dumbledore, the closest, jumped up, darting around the desk and catching me before I hit the ground. He helped me back into the wheelchair. I stared into space for a moment, then burst into tears. Professor McGonagall rushed to my side, kneeling by me and hugging me.

"Don't cry, Sylistia! We can help you!" She looked helplessly at the other teachers, all looking nervous and forlorn. I tried to talk, but the sobs kept coming.

Finally I choked out, "D-don't t-t-tell my f-father!" I turned to McGonagall, burying my face in her shoulder. She patted my head.

"We have to inform your parents, Miss Fawkes," piped Fudge.

"Don't t-tell fath-her!" I cried, beside myself. I knew he'd lock me up if he ever found out. He wouldn't let me go outside, let alone to Hogwarts. He'd call me a monster, a demon, a Hell spawn, he might even try to exorcise me, or worse… he could kill me. I could already see him loading silver bullets into a pistol, staring at me with no feeling as he pulled the trigger. The blood ran from my face, and I felt lightheaded. "I…" I took several deep breaths and calmed myself. Lupin was pale and he was trying to stop his own tears. "I want… to go to bed."

"Oh, but there is still the matter of the, er… forms," Mr. Fudge signaled to my lap, where I still held the stack of parchment. He handed me the fountain pen, and I began the tedious work of filling out the application, which was headed:

**Department of the Control of Magical Creatures: Dangerous Animal Report:**

**Werewolf**

There were the usual - name, age, blood status - and there were others - date of attack, name of werewolf, etc. The fine print was exceptionally morbid:

The Ministry of Magic is not in any way liable for the killing of a Werewolf in self defense or the death of a werewolf caused by any other creature, magical or otherwise…

The fine print delved further and further into the realm of the Ministry's responsibility. It also said that all werewolves are to be confined during their transformation and kept away from humans. Lupin, being the other werewolf, had to sign every page I did. I was exhausted when I finished. My brain was on the verge of failing.

Finally, I'd signed the last page, after Lupin, and McGonagall told Lupin and me we were free to go. We trudged out of the office and downstairs. Students were still eating dinner, but neither of us were hungry. At the stairwell, Lupin stopped and turned to me.

"I'm so sorry, Fawkes. You have no idea. I've never hurt anyone before." He looked about to cry again. "If there's ever anything you need, tell me, OK?" With that, he whirled around and ascended the stairs. I turned the other way, plodding downstairs to the dungeons. I finally got back to the common room, but the password didn't work. _They must have changed it. _I sighed and leaned against the opposite wall. I'd hoped to get to bed before anyone saw me, but now I had to wait for someone to open the door for me.

I was sitting down, drifting off, when I heard a shrill, annoying voice to my left. "Oh, my God! Sylistia?!" I turned to see Bellatrix Lestrange, the Quidditch announcer.

"Er… hi. I don't know the new password." I grinned nervously, standing up. My leg and back were still sore, but getting better.

"We thought you'd died!" She turned to the wall. "_Devil's Snare, practice care."_ She chimed. The door opened and she pushed me in, asking rapid questions. "What did you do? Where were you? What happened? Why were you outside?"

"I… I, er… don't want to talk about it." I tried to pass her and escape to my dorm, but she tugged me onto the sofa.

"Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"I-I barely know you!" I retorted, flustered.

"Fine. SNAPE!" She shrieked. I whipped around toward the boys' dorms, and a moment later I saw Severus trudge out sleepily, ears covered.

"Whaddayawant?" He slurred. He spotted me and his eyes popped. "Sylistia! Omigod, what happened?!" He flew to my side, freaking out.

"You'll tell him, won't you?" Bellatrix asked slyly.

"Tell me, Syl! What happened?" He paled, sitting on the other side of Bellatrix. They both stared at me, waiting.

"I was… attacked."

"By what, Syl?" Asked Severus. Bellatrix nodded eagerly next to me.

"Er… a bear."

"A bear?" They asked in unison.

"There are bears in the Forest?" Bellatrix asked.

"Of course there are, twit!" Sev sneered. "It's a forest!"

"Don't call me a twit, greasy!"

"Guys, stop!" I demanded. I sighed exasperatedly, shaking my head. "It's hard enough without the lot of you grilling me!" I stood up and stormed off to my dorm, slamming the door behind me. I threw myself on the bed and began sobbing again. I ignored the door creaking open behind me.

"Sylistia?" It was Bellatrix. "I'm sorry, Hun." She sat down on the edge of my bed and patted my head. Thank God she didn't rub my back. "You wanna talk about it?"

"N-no… I just want to sleep." I flopped down onto the pillows, exhausted. Bellatrix sighed and stood up, patting my head as she left.

"You'll get over it, Hun." She left, letting the door shut behind her with a click.

"That's what you think." I burst into tears again and cried into my pillow for hours. I finally fell asleep just as the sky was turning gray. From that day forth, I would never overlook the importance of names. The Forbidden Forest is called the Forbidden Forest for a reason, and I would never, ever forget that again. It's only very unfortunate that it took permanently changing my life for the worse to realize I am not exempt from the rules at Hogwarts. No one is.


	9. Whomping Willow and the Shrieking Shack

It was early January, the fifth. Lily had just returned the day before and She, Severus, and I had just eaten breakfast and decided to take a stroll around the frozen lake. We were halfway there when we saw a group of people on the grounds. We walked by, trying to get a better look.

The Headmaster and the four Heads of House were there, along with a few people I didn't recognize, who were wearing robes with "M.O.M." emblazoned on them.

"What's going on here?" I asked despite myself. Professor McGonagall shooed us away, though, telling me to mind my own business. We shrugged it off, spending the rest of the Sunday relaxing and getting ready for tomorrow, the first day of school since winter break.

That night, at about midnight, I was awoken by Madame Pomfrey, asking me to dress warmly and meet her in the corridor. I bundled up and left the common room. Madame Pomfrey led me up the stairs and through the entrance hall onto the grounds. I gasped at the sudden cold, pressing my mittened hands against my face for warmth.

We walked a ways out in the snow, and I saw a shape loom out of the dark, illuminated by wand light. I peered through the fog, but couldn't make it out. Finally, we reached the shape. It was a baby willow tree, swaying gently in the wind. Around the tree, which stood about seven feet tall at most, were the Heads of House, Dumbledore, Fudge and a few Ministry people, and Lupin, who waved listlessly as I approached.

"Wh-what's going on?" I asked, looking at the tree. Professor Dumbledore waved to the tree and explained.

"This tree is actually a guard for the door. The opening in it's roots is the mouth of a tunnel which leads into Hogsmeade, the nearest town. At the other end is an abandoned shack you and Mr. Lupin here will stay in on the full moons, so you are no longer a danger to any other students."

Professor Sprout took over then. "Now, you must be careful, dears. The thing is," She picked up a handful of snow and packed it into a ball. I watched curiously as she chucked the snowball at the tree. Suddenly, one of the tree's branches lashed out and smacked the snowball like a whip, turning it to powder again. I gasped, putting a hand over my mouth. Lupin laughed.

"Wicked!" He grinned.

"Yes, very wicked indeed, Mr. Lupin," said Professor Sprout. "This tree could knock you unconscious, or worse. And it's not even fully-grown yet." She pointed to the roots. "You see that knot on the root?" We nodded. "If you prod that knot with a long branch, the tree becomes paralyzed for thirty seconds. Enough time for you to run into the tunnel. Any questions?"

"Er… it get's bigger?" I asked. I thought it's whipping branches looked formidable enough already.

"Yes, by the next full moon, it will be at least twice this size." Professor Sprout handed Lupin a branch. "Go ahead, try it."

He reached out with the branch tentatively. The willow tensed. He prodded the knot and it froze up, swaying gently again. Lupin led the way and we slipped into the hole. The tunnel was narrow, but there was a good half a foot between the ceiling and my head.

We walked a good few miles or so before reaching a small opening. We scrambled out onto the worn wooden floor of the shack. Lupin coughed as dust blew into his face. It was cold, and we could hear the shack's walls creak in the wind. "Hmm. Cozy." I muttered. Lupin Sniggered. I grinned. I pressed against the wall. "Will this really hold us?" I asked as the planks creaked ominously under my hand.

"I hope so." Lupin looked around and shivered. "It's creepy. I don't like it."

I sighed. "I know, but we'll get used to it." _I hope_. "Come on. I'm cold and I wanna go back to bed."

"Me too." He followed me through the tunnel. I was afraid to reach out when the branches slapped at my hands. My arms were too short to reach the knot. Lupin reached out and tapped it fast, and the tree froze. We climbed out and cleared the branches just as they began swinging again.

Madame Pomfrey led me back to the Slytherin common room, while McGonagall led Lupin to Gryffindor. We waved bye at the stairs.

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

What a way to start the new semester. Late.

I rushed into Defense Against the Dark Arts five minutes late, with hastily pulled-on robes, a crammed book bag, and an empty stomach. "Sorry, Professor," I muttered as I passed Prof. Crook's desk. He nodded.

"Quite alright. Now today, students," He boomed despite his frailty, "we will learn about water monsters, particularly the Kappa and Grindylows." We opened our books to chapter ten and took notes as Crook taught us about the Japanese water-monkey demon, Kappa, with a bowl of water on its head-its source of power. If you tricked it into bowing, the water would drain out and the Kappa would be powerless. The Grindylow was a creature native to Europe that had a thin body, but an unbreakable grip. He claimed there was a family of them right here in the lake, but I doubted it.

After Transfiguration and Potions, Severus and I met Lily, who went to get a jacket from her dorm, at lunch. We laughed about Amelia Bones's cauldron exploding, then we trudged through the snow to the frozen lake.

I stepped out onto the slippery ice, waving to Sev and Lily, who were making a snowman. I had been helping, until my hands went numb. I peered into the ice. There was no movement. "Hey! Do you really think there's a bunch of Grindylows in there?" I called to them.

Sev shrugged, and Lily shouted back, "Maybe he was just discouraging us from swimming in the lake?" She threw a snowball at me, but I dodged it, laughing. I tediously slid back to them and threw a snow ball back, but she ran behind Sev, and I hit him square in the face. He looked surprised for a moment, then laughed and threw one at me. We continued the fight, one-on-one-on-one, until our faces were red and frozen and we could hardly breathe. Then we had to go to class.

I got to Ancient Runes soaking wet. Professor Carter, a tall, pale man with slicked-back black hair and round, thick glasses, gave me a disgusted look as I tracked water and snow through his classroom. I grinned innocently and sat down. Lupin was falling asleep in the desk next to me. We had been up way too late last night. Class started, and I had to keep throwing bits of paper at Lupin to keep him awake. He'd sit up suddenly and look around, startled, but I would be busy writing away.

After double Potions, which I didn't have with Sev or Lily, and Herbology, I walked into the castle at nearly sunset to eat dinner. The trip from the greenhouses to the castle had been a cold, wet, windy one, and I was sneezing as I sat down between Lily and Severus. It was warmer sitting between them and I smiled. "Thanks, guys. You're my Human heaters, now!" I joked. Lily laughed, but Sev's mouth was full, and he almost choked.

After dinner we hung out in the charms corridor, talking. Lily was telling jokes and we were laughing when we heard someone down at the end of the corridor.

"Hey, Sssslythies!" We turned and saw James and his friends sauntering down the hall towards us. Sev and I, who had been sitting, stood up hurriedly, and Sev drew his wand. I hesitated, seeing that Lily had hers out, too, and I drew mine.

"What do you want, Potter?" I demanded, putting on a brave face.

"I heard from a reliable source that you slimy gits beat up a couple of my friends over winter break, Fawkes. Is that true?" I shifted my feet nervously. Lily stepped in between us and Potter's group and faced Sev and I, looking incredulous.

"You two beat someone up?" She asked, upset.

"N-no! Lily, we didn't! Really!" Severus pleaded. I cut in.

"Wait, Lily. It's my fault. I threw a snowball at Lupin and he got mad. Then Pettigrew stepped in and we had to defend ourselves." I looked at her earnestly, and she sighed and turned on Potter.

"Well, see, Potter?" She huffed. "If your friend knew when he was beaten, he wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"Now wait just a minute!" Lupin jumped forward, angry. "That's not how it happened, James!" He was blushing, apparently embarrassed that I'd made it sound like he was the victim and Pettigrew was protecting him. "_I _threw the snowball at Snivellus first-"

"I told you not to call him that, Lupin!" I screamed. He ignored me and continued.

"-and then she threw one at me, and _then_ Peter stepped in, but he got levitated and was helpless. I had to help him and Fawkes hexed me!" He was breathing hard. He drew his wand, too. I could tell he was trying to look tough.

"So… is that how it happened, Fawkes?" Potter raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is." I raised my chin haughtily.

James reached over and put his hand on Lupin's back, then pushed him out in front of himself. Lupin looked confused. "Step forward, Fawkes." I did. "Alright, Remus. Get her."

"Er… what?" He bit his lip.

"Get her back, Rem." He nudged him. "Duel her."

"I, er… how?"

"Both of you hold your wands at the ready and bow." We did, nervously, never taking our eyes off each other. Severus took a half-step forward, but I hissed.

"No, Sev. Let me have a lash at it." Severus reluctantly stepped back by Lily. Black and Pettigrew watched intently as James continued.

"Now… GET HER!" He yelled, making Lupin jump.

"_S-stupefy!" _He stammered. The curse missed me, and I shot one at him.

"_Impedimenta!_" I got him, and he was blasted off his feet. He flew towards the three behind him, but they parted and he landed twelve feet away on his back. He stood up, flustered and angry, rubbing his tailbone. He screamed his curse.

"_Reducto!_" I tried to stop it, but couldn't. I threw my hands up in front of my face.

"_Protego!_" A wavering force-field formed before me. The curse bounced off and hit a torch, which was reduced to ash instantly. I sighed, but it wasn't my spell.

"Aw, Snivellus, you ruined the duel! Rem was gonna win, you dolt!" Potter and Black laughed, Pettigrew joining in nervously. Lupin looked scared. He obviously hadn't intended to send such a powerful curse my way. Sev rushed forward, but instead of hexing James, he tackled him.

James, flabbergasted, fell onto his back, Severus on top of him. Sev punched James once in the face, splitting his own knuckles from the force of the blow, then he grabbed James's collar and jammed his wand under James's jaw. James cried out in pain and fear. His eyes were wide, and a drop of sweat trickled down his neck and onto the tip of Severus's wand.

Getting over his shock, Sirius Black grabbed Severus and tugged his wand out of his hand. He slammed Severus against the wall, knocking the air out of him. Lupin helped James up. James pushed his glasses up and stowed his wand away. "Hold him!"

"No, James!" I ran forward, getting between him and Severus. "Don't hurt him!"

He pushed me aside. Lily tried to stop him, but Lupin and Pettigrew held us off. Black pulled Sev up onto his feet and held his arms behind his back. James grinned and plunged his fist into Severus's gut. Sev cried out as the wind was forced out of his lungs again. He coughed, and James punched him again. He doubled over, but Black pulled him upright again.

I cried out. "Stop, James, please!" I started crying. "James, please!" I begged. Lupin bit his lip, wand pointed at me. He turned to James.

"Er, James, I think that's enough, now" He piped up.

"Shut up, Remus! I'll say when it's enough!" He clouted Severus in the face. There was a sickening CRACK! I yelped and put my hands over my mouth. Tears were rolling down my face. Severus glared up at James angrily, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. James laughed. "Had enough, yet, Snivellus?" Severus scowled, then spit in James's face. James yelled and rubbed the blood-filled saliva off his cheek. He grabbed a fistful of Sev's hair and pulled his head back.

I couldn't watch anymore. I shoved Lupin into Pettigrew. They both went down. I ran to James and grabbed his arm, drawn back for the next blow. Lily kept Lupin and Pettigrew from stopping me. I tugged on James's arm, sobbing uncontrollably. "JAMES, ST-STOP! P-PLEASE! DON'T HU-HURT H-HIM!" I broke down, falling to my knees and hanging on his arm, crying my eyes out.

"Oh? And what do I get out of it, Fawkes? Huh?" He glared at me and let Sev go. I stood up and glanced at Sev. His head lolled on his shoulders, and there was a huge bruise forming on his jaw, which looked broken. I turned to James and whispered a deal in his ear. He looked satisfied and nodded to Black. "Let him go, Sirius. We're done here." Black released Sev, who crumpled to the floor. James led them away.

As they walked by, Lupin stopped and muttered to me, so only I could hear, "I am so sorry." He passed by. James halted, turned around. "Oh, and don't snitch on us, y'hear? You fell down the stairs, Snivellus." He whirled around and left.

I rushed to help Severus to his feet. I put his arm around my shoulder and my own arm around his waist. He winced and groaned, holding his stomach. Lily retrieved his wand and we helped him to the Hospital Wing.

Madame Pomfrey was shocked. "What happened to you, dear?" She inspected his jaw and his bruised midriff, fussing over him. He opened his mouth, angry, but I cut in.

"He fell! The stairs moved and he lost his balance and fell to the landing." I looked at my shoes. I glanced at Severus. He glared at me, but said nothing. Pomfrey gave him a smoking goldenrod potion and his bruises slowly disappeared. He opened and closed his jaw as it healed. We thanked Madame Pomfrey.

"You kids be careful on those stairs, they can be tricky!" She warned as we left. We were silent as we made our way to the stairs. Lily said goodbye and we murmured back, then we parted ways. Sev and I remained silent down to the dungeons. You couldn't cut the tension with a chainsaw. I looked over at Severus, nervous. He looked positively furious. He looked straight ahead, refusing to pay attention to me.

"Don't worry, Fawkes," He said as we neared the common room. "I won't fall." He said it in a deathly quiet voice and quickened his pace, swishing past me, muttering the password, and slipping into the common room before I could say anything. I slipped through the door before it closed, but he was already in the boys' dorm. He slammed the door. I looked around. There were a few people in the room, staring at me. Among them were Bellatrix and her sister, Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy, who was reading the evening edition of the _Daily Prophet_.

Lucius was reading the sports section, and I could see and advertisement for a new broom and a moving photograph of two opposing Seekers, one in pale blue with a gold arrow on his robes, and the other with red and black robes bearing a picture of a bloody meat cleaver. Meat cleaver Seeker caught the snitch, but elbowed arrow robes Seeker in the face. The headlines flashed:

Wigtown Wanderers Lose Match by Foul, Game goes to Appleby Arrows!

He set the paper aside. "What happened, Sylistia? Snape looked really angry!" I looked away.

"Nothing. We had a run-in with some unfavorable classmates and it turned pretty sour. I'm going to bed." I turned abruptly and went to my dorm. As I changed into my nightgown, I felt a lump it my throat. I laid down and let a few tears escape. I sighed and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I missed Sev, who had, according to Bellatrix and Narcissa Lestrange, already gone to breakfast early. The two had been on the sofa painting each other's nails when he'd left. They said they tried to get him to talk, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Thanks, anyway, guys." I sighed and left. Bellatrix waved goodbye, and her bottle of green nail polish spilled on the couch. She and Narcissa gasped and tried to stop it from all spilling out. Narcissa could be heard chiding Bellatrix for her clumsiness as the door slid shut. I rolled my eyes as I headed for the stairs.

Severus wasn't at breakfast. He wasn't on the grounds. I looked until class started, but he was nowhere to be found. I got to Transfiguration and he was sitting all the way in the back by the window. The desks surrounding his were all filled. I sighed and sat by Lily.

"He just wants to be alone, Syl," she whispered. "It's not you."

Yeah, sure.

Severus avoided and ignored me in Potions, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. He ignored me at lunch, only talking to Lily. He avoided me in the common room, on the grounds, at meals, in the halls, and everywhere else I saw him. I found myself needing to hide and cry everywhere I went. I'd slip into a dark stairwell, an empty classroom, a supply closet, the back of the library, and the girls' lavatory.

I was there before dinner. In a girls' bathroom on the second floor, crying my eyes out. I had my hands on the edge of a lime scale coated sink under a cracked mirror. I watched my tears fall onto the white grime and trickle into the green-edged drain. I sniffed and looked up, for no particular reason, and saw someone behind me in the mirror's warped reflection.

I screamed and jumped a foot in the air, then spun around, backed against the sink. It was a girl with round glasses and braided hair. She looked perfectly normal - except that she was a ghost. Of course, in my time at Hogwarts, I had met a few ghosts (some, cough Bloody Baron cough, less pleasant than others).

I calmed myself and studied the girl. She looked slightly older than me, but was dressed like a Hogwarts student: black robes with a blue and bronze tie and a Ravenclaw crest.

"Er…" I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve. "Hi?" She scrutinized me and then swooped towards me, stopping with her nose and inch from mine. I gasped, but didn't move.

"Hello," she finally replied in a high, annoying voice. She backed up a little.

"Um… I'm Sylistia," I said in a stuffy-nosed voice. "What's your name?" I stepped tentatively toward the ghost-girl.

"Myname is Myrtle," she sniffed. "But people don't call me that." SHe jutted her chin out haughtily.

"Er… if you don't mind, what do they call you?" I inquired gently.

"They call me _Moaning_ Myrtle."

"Why would they do that?" I asked.

"Because I _cry_, because I'm _depressed_." She floated away, then floated back to me, looked me in the eye. "Why are _you_ crying?"

I dropped my gaze. "Sev's not speaking to me."

"Who's Sev?" She asked, perching on the sink.

"My best friend." I sighed. "He won't talk to me, because I didn't back him up." jumped up on the other sink, swinging my legs. "He got beat up and I told the nurse he fell down."

"Why? Are you protecting the bully? You shouldn't do that!" She sneered.

"I wasn't protecting him, I was protecting Sev!" I retorted, jumping off the sink and facing Myrtle. "I told James I wouldn't tell if he doesn't hurt Sev anymore!"

"So? Go back on it!"

"Then he'll get in trouble and hurt Sev again." I looked away. "I don't even know why I'm talking to _you_, anyway!" I burst out as new tears fell. "What do you know? You're dead! You don't know about love!" I froze. Love? Had I really said that?

"Fine, then!" Myrtle screamed, her translucent face twisted with rage. "You insensitive fool! I can't believe I tried to _comfort_ you!" She turned away and wailed like a banshee. It was a blood-curdling noise and I had to cover my ears. She howled and plunged headfirst into one of the toilets.

I stood there for a moment, surrounded by complete silence. Then, suddenly, all of the toilets flushed in unison and began to overflow. The sinks' taps burst and scalding water sprayed into the sink, almost splashing me. The wailing rose up in the walls all around me, echoing. I ran out of the lavatory and raced to the stairs, running down them two at a time.

When the disaster was behind me, I stopped in the entrance hall and caught my breath. I vowed never to mess with a ghost again at Hogwarts, then I went to dinner. Lily waved me over, and I sat across from her and Severus, who was obstinately refusing to look at me. I accepted it, picking at my food without staring. Lily tried to converse with us, but Severus only spoke one or two words at a time and only when totally necessary. Lily asked me a question, and I made the mistake of looking her in the eye when I answered.

"Syl? Have you been… crying?" She asked, leaning forward to peer at my face. "Oh, you _have_! Syl, what's wrong?"

"I… no! I wasn't crying, Lily." I looked away. Severus glanced at me despite himself.

"Yes, you have, Syl! Your eyes are red." She reached over and tilted my face up towards her. I slapped her hand away. She gasped. "Syl!"

"Leave me alone, Evans!" I was on the verge of tears again. I got up and walked around the table, heading for the exit. Lily reached out as I passed and grabbed my elbow. Incensed, I seized her hand and dug my nails into it.

"Ouch!" Lily cried out and drew back, four little bloody crescents lining her white hand. Severus jumped up.

"What the hell, Fawkes?!" He was livid. His faces was inches from mine and he looked ready to fight. I opened my mouth to retort, but instead I burst into tears and ran from the Hall. I flew downstairs in tears. I didn't go to the common room. Instead, I got myself lost on purpose, finally stopping in a hall with no torches lined with empty classrooms. I slipped into one and sat down at a desk, burying my head in my arms and sobbing until my head ached. I actually fell asleep at that desk, exhausted from crying all day.

"Sylistia?" Someone shook me awake. I started, looking up in the dark. Their wand was lit, and I couldn't see their face. The wand was lowered and Severus looked down at me.

"What do you want?" I snapped curtly, standing up and moving away. "I thought you didn't want to be my friend anymore!" I turned and went for the door. Severus beat me to it, blocking the door.

"Syl, I'm… I'm still your friend. I was just mad." He hung his head. "I was a total git, and I'm sorry." He looked at me, sincerely contrite. I sighed.

"Yeah, me too." I leaned against the wall. "I was really hurt, though."

"So was I." He looked into my eyes. "I wanted you to stand up for me and get Potter in trouble, but I know you just didn't want him to hurt me again."

"Yes."

"You really hurt Lily." He sighed and reached out, grasping my hand. He held it up, inspecting my nails, which were each about a centimeter long now. Lupin had told me that was a side effect. So were my unnaturally sharp canines. "Wow." He whistled. "They're like talons, Syl, don't you ever cut them?"

_Yes, every day_. "No, I guess I should." I pulled my hand out of his, embarrassed. He looked at me sadly. "I'll apologize tomorrow." I hung my head, staring at Severus's scuffed, dirty shoes.

"OK." He put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, Syl. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's alright." I sighed, and Severus pulled me into an embrace. I was so touched, a few more tears escaped.

"Let's go back to the common room. It's way past curfew." He led me back through the dungeons to the common room. We said bye and I went to bed.

I crept out of the dorm the next morning with my bag. I heard someone talking, no - singing, in the common room. I peeked around the corner and saw Severus sitting in a chair facing away from me, singing.

"Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday, dear Severus, happy birthday to me." I tried to sneak out of the room, but he turned, standing up, and saw me.

"Hi, Syl." He looked slightly embarrassed at being caught singing. He really shouldn't have. He had a beautiful voice.

"Morning, Sev. What're you doing?" I asked, walking up to him.

"Oh. Today's my birthday," he shrugged.

"Really? Why didn't you tell me, I would have gotten you something!"

"Nah, it's OK. I never get presents. Well, my mum sent me this magic card." He held up a colorful card and opened it. Confetti shot from the crease, seemingly out of nowhere. He repeated the action with the same result. Apparently, the confetti never stopped coming. It fluttered and flitted to the floor like colored rain.

"That's too bad." I pitied him.

"It's OK. My mum can't afford to buy me presents. She made this herself." He opened the card again, smiling fondly as the confetti landed in his hair.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Well, let's eat, shall we?" I grinned and grabbed his arm. He barely had time to snatch his bag before I swept him from the room.

Lily joined us at breakfast, a few Band-Aids on her hand. I gave her my most apologetic look. "Sorry for scratching you, Lily. I was overreacting."

"It's OK, Syl. I know you were upset." She grinned and we ate breakfast. Lily, who'd known Severus for a few years, presented him with a black and white turkey-feather quill with a spell-check charm on it. We finished eating and hung out on the main stairs until it was time to go to class.

We had Double Potions first. The first hour and a half, we took notes on draughts, and the second part of class was spent attempting to make a calming draught. I saw James Potter sneak some out of class in a vial before he cleared his area. Apparently he and Sirius were planning to "relax" at lunch.

In Defense Against the Dark Arts, we studied Vampires, starting with Count Vlad Dracula, also known as "Vlad the Impaler", who wasn't really a Vampire, but just a very deranged tyrant who started the myths with his cruelty, and working our way to modern Vampires.

After DADA, I parted ways with Lily and Severus, who had Arithmancy, and traipsed off to Ancient Runes. I looked away from Lupin. I hadn't talked to him since the fight.

"Hi." He muttered. He looked nervous. "I'm sorry about… Y'know, with James. I would have stopped him, but…" He lowered his eyes, staring at his text book.

"Yeah, I know." James was a formidable guy to mess with, especially with Sirius Black at his side. His magic wasn't bad, either. "It's better, now. I think Sev's pretty much let it go." I turned to page 417, as was instructed on the board.

"That's good." He muttered. We slipped into an awkward silence, then. We hadn't said anything about our "curse" since the night I found out. Now it seemed the only thing we had to talk about.

"So… what's it going to be like?" I asked, trying to keep it discreet, so the students trickling in wouldn't know what I meant.

"Painful." He knew exactly what I was asking. Perhaps he'd asked the same thing of someone else once. "And scary."

I gulped. I didn't like the sound of that. I looked at my unnaturally long finger nails. Claws. I just clipped them that morning, and they were almost two centimeters long. I glanced at Lupin's hands. His nails were pretty long, too. "So… how long have you been…?"

"Since I was real little. I barely remember it. Which is actually for the best, I suppose." He stretched in his chair. He looked pale and tired. I, too, had been feeling peaky the last week. I sighed and turned a page in my book, cutting my index finger on the edge.

"Ow." I stared as the tiny cut slowly healed itself. Amazing.

After class, I hurried off to lunch, where I met Lily and Severus. After eating, we went out to the grounds and played in the snow. Lily and I made a birthday cake for Severus and insisted he blow out the "candles" (twigs) while we sang "Happy Birthday" loudly in horrible tune. Severus didn't want to "eat" his cake, so Lily and I made snowballs with it and threw them at his face.

Then we went to class, History of Magic. After one and a half boring hours of monotonous droning, we were free to go to Astronomy. Sev and Lily had more History of Magic, the poor things. On the way to the tower, Remus Lupin caught me, asking me to come with him. I followed, and we came to James Potter.

Remus went away, back to class. James smirked at me. "Well, Sylistia, I trust you haven't forgotten our little deal?" Yeah right. More like a big deal.

"No, James. Unfortunately I haven't." I cursed myself for even saying anything in the first place.

"Why don't you just repeat the deal, so I know you didn't forget?" He strode over to me, arms crossed smugly.

"I…" I rolled my eyes. "I said if you never touch Severus again… I'll… go out with you.

He grinned. "That's right!" He suddenly turned, ending up next to me, facing the same direction. He swung and arm around my shoulders and led me toward the tower. "So let us off to class, shall we?" I inwardly punched myself.

"Wait." I pulled away. "Whatever you do, we cannot let Severus see us together or let him know we're… going out." I grimaced when I said it. "Or," I said, holding up my index finger warningly. "The deal will be completely off, Potter. You reading me?" I looked at him sternly.

"Loud and Clear, Fawkes." He replaced his arm and we went to Astronomy.

The weeks dragged on, and soon it was January 22nd. I felt sick and exhausted all day. Remus caught me after Astronomy, as James and I were heading toward dinner, hand in hand, much to my displeasure. "I, er… need to talk to you, Sylistia… er, alone.

James raised an eyebrow and shrugged, letting go of me. He continued toward the Great Hall. "Meet you there." But he wouldn't.

I followed Remus first to the kitchens, to grab some food, then out to the willow tree, where Madame Pomfrey was waiting. She had folder robes in her arms.

"Here, dears. Hurry, quickly, before the sun goes down. You'll leave these aside and put them on when you change back." She ushered us to the tree, Lupin paralyzing it, as she watched for anyone who might happen upon us.

We found our way to the shack and settled inside it. I sat on the tattered, dusty bed, while Remus paced restlessly. We left our robes in different rooms. Finally, I stood up and walked to the other room. "I'm going to wait in here." He nodded and I went in, locking the door behind me. I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chin. A sliver of moon light fell on the floor in front of me, growing wider and brighter as the sun set. Finally, it reached me. I reached out and put my hand into it, gasping as it tingled and made my hand twitch. I drew back, then did it again.

"Are you changing, yet?" Remus called from the other room in a strained voice.

"I don't know, are you?"

"Y-Yes." He groaned, then hissed and fell to the floor with a thump. I resisted the urge to help him, knowing if we were together now, we might fight.

I stood up and stepped into the moonlight, more scared than I'd ever been before. (OK, that's a lie, but still…) My skin prickled and I felt dizzy. I fell, too. I lay on the floor, feeling the black fur ripple up my arms. I screamed as my bones snapped and shifted, followed by a cry from Remus in the other room.

My skull stretched painfully and my spine popped and bent, forcing me on my hands and knees. My legs shortened and my knees inverted. I shrieked in agony. My vision changed to a twisted, blurry view and the world was upside-down. All the colors I'd known changed into an entirely new spectrum of strange primaries and impossible mixtures. There was no green or red, or blue or purple. They were alien colors no human had ever seen colors I couldn't even fathom, even now as I saw them there clearly.

My head throbbed and my internal organs jumped and shifted. My teeth pushed out of my jaws, slicing my gums. My lips pulled back in a snarl of pain as my nails curved and thickened into black claws. I let out one last scream as my ears moved back and my head pushed forward. I went into a frenzy, shredding my robes and twisting to free myself from them. I felt my spine shoot out of the root of my back at the tailbone. I actually saw a flash of white vertebrae whipping around before muscle and flesh wrapped around it and fur sprouted. A bushy wolf-tail. My scream turned into a low, inhuman howl.

I fell onto my side, hearing Remus's growled and yelps. He stopped abruptly and I heard him whining. I felt a push at the back of my head. It was gentle, then more persistent. Then it was a sharp spike into my brain, like an icy finger. I saw a flash… and darkness took me.


End file.
